Fault in Our Stars
by Kace-sama
Summary: There's this writer that's been bugging me. He's frustrating, writes BL stories, and always knows what I'm thinking, always. He sees my wants, even though I hide them behind my frown. I see no reason to smile around others because of what I've done. My track record shows that I'm a murderer, because I am. I'm a felon. I'm Takahashi, Misaki and even knowing that, he's still here...
1. Out of the Slammer

**I realized after searching for an anime to match Junjou Romantica and all it's side stories, I knew there'd never be one to capture my attention like this one did. Misaki is a little ooc and emo for the first few chapters, but whatever. There's always character development. Enjoy! :3**

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**Misaki**

It was my fault they died. That I admit too, but I did it out of fear. That day, I learned something about my dad that didn't sit well with me, and I fixed it. I made sure that he was no longer a threat, but by doing that, I ended up getting my mom involved too. I was eight, terrified, and frustrated. It was an accident, and I was sent to juvie for it, and then later prison, on my thirteenth birthday when they tried me as an adult. I did my time.

That was years ago, and I'm eighteen now. I've been let out for good behavior, on parole, and thankful that I don't have to share a jail cell with my inmate anymore. He was Satan's best friend. My brother, Takahiro, says that I can live with him, and that he doesn't blame me for what I did that day. He tells me a lot, so much that I want to suffocate myself because he feels the need to smother me with kindness.

I wanted him to hate me.

I had been sleeping most of the morning since I was let out, even if my brother tried to force me out of bed. This was the first time I wasn't forced to share one when my inmate refused to let me stay in mine. This bed was mine. This room was mine. My body was mine.

"You're here!" Takahiro said from the living room. I groaned from where I was laying, and wished for silence.

"I thought I'd surprise you," a voice spoke up. He sounded professional, high and mighty, superior… He was a rich guy, just a guess.

A woman was heard groaning. "No he's here because he threatened to go out of the country! So I told him that you'd be more than happy to accompany him to his next book signing, and the after party."

My brother laughed. "Usagi-san, neglecting your fans is rude."

"You know I hate parties, Takahiro."

The woman was heard scoffing. "You mean you hate people, sensei." He sounded like he hated the world.

"As it should be." See…

I could hear the cheerful smile while my brother spoke again. "If you needed me for something, why didn't you just ask, Usagi-san? We're friends after all. Of course I'll go with you. When is it?"

I groaned and got out of bed, wearing my long pajama pants and a shirt. I walked into the kitchen to see my brother being clung too by some grown man in a suit and tie, with silver hair and violet eyes. He didn't look like he liked me, more like he was bored with what he saw. I hated him already.

The woman with red hair and grayish-blue eyes was smiling at me. I think I was her prey. She dashed over to me and hugged me. "You're so cute! I'm Aikawa, Eri!" She released me and tugged at both sides of my cheeks. I showed her little emotion, but I'm sure a slight blush rose on my skin. That was the one thing I could never hide about myself, even though the old Misaki was gone. This new Misaki still has that flaw.

The man with violet eyes stared me down. He made a dissatisfied noise. "He doesn't look like he's been in the penitentiary." Jackass.

Takahiro patted the man's back and tugged himself free from his grip. "Ah Usagi-san, this is my little brother, Misaki. Misaki, meet Usami, Akihiko."

He gave me a firm nod. "Pleasure." It wasn't.

Aikawa-san was still beaming at me, or undressing me with her eyes. I wasn't sure. "You're so cute!"

"You said that already," I told her, but my voice sounded dead.

My brother went up to me and gave me a concerned look. "It's your first day back. Are you sure you don't want to celebrate?"

"You should come to the signing and after party!" Aikawa-san said. "It starts this afternoon!"

Before I could shake my head, my big brother shook his, and waved his index finger at me. His smile was so happy that I felt smothered again. "Don't refuse, Misaki. It could be fun. Usagi-san, won't it be fun?"

Usagi-san –I mean Usami-san, was glaring at me. I think he was in love with my brother, because the affection he was showing me didn't sit well with this guy. It was like he was trying to murder me with his eyes. I'm sure he knew that I beat him in the murder department, unless he had hired hit men in his past or something.

"Yes Takahiro. Bring Misaki along." Short, clipped replies. He was jealous of me, of my brother's smile to me, of his affection. It's the same smile he gives Usami-san so why…? Maybe my brother doesn't love him in that way. It's not natural is it? For a man and man to love each other…? What happened to me in prison wasn't natural either, but it was how I survived.

I closed my eyes at the memory and hugged myself. "Yeah, I'll go." If it'll make my brother happy. Besides I needed a distraction and the parole officer was stopping by tomorrow around four. I had freedom today to do what I wanted.

My brother touched my shoulder, and I peeked one eye open at him before opening both. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I assured him.

After Aikawa-san went to the car, and I changed into decent clothes, I walked back towards the kitchen. Halfway there my feet came to a slow halt, after overhearing my brother and Usami-san talking.

"He's different Usagi-san," my brother said. "He's not the same. He's not happy. How's he supposed to live with me if I can't even get him to smile anymore? I always made him smile. You heard the way he spoke to your editor."

"It's the same way I speak to her." Good point.

Takahiro chuckled, but it soon became a tired sigh. "You know, part of Misaki died that day, the day he killed our parents. I visited him every day he allowed me too, until he didn't want to see me. He said he was ashamed."

"But you weren't?"

"I'd never be ashamed of Misaki. That was an accident. It was all it was, an accident." No it wasn't.

"Takahiro, he hasn't had proper schooling in years," Usami-san commented. "Those Japanese language sessions and books you sent him probably didn't mean a thing to him since he was surrounded by convicts. Learning of any kind is hard in that facility, and the top felons of our country go there. A job's out of the question for him until he gets a diploma."

My brother made a noise of approval. "It must have been rough." It was hell.

I walked into the kitchen and attempted to smile, which pleased my brother. "There you are Misaki. You look refreshed. Alright, let's go."

As I went to the door and reached for my coat, my sleeve slid down a little, revealing the self-harm I had inflicted on my wrists. I grabbed my coat quickly, and threw it on, making sure my brother hadn't seen it. He hadn't, but Usami-san did.

I rolled my eyes, as my oblivious brother slipped on his coat and started to leave the house. "It happened when I was locked up," I told Usami-san, since he wouldn't stop staring at me. I couldn't tell whether he was surprised or pissed. Either way his folded arms and superior posture made it hard not to fidget. "I was trying to escape."

"From your sentence?"

"From my inmate, and his gang," I muttered, leaving the house. He followed and once we were both outside, my brother locked the front door.

I stuffed my hands in my jeans and walked with them to the car, where Aikawa-san was waiting. I stopped when I looked up. "That's your car?"

Usami-san smirked as he walked up to his red sports car. "It is."

I didn't like this man, or the way he was fawning over my brother. I didn't like my brother dragging me along like this, not when I felt like trash. I hated myself. My brother may have forgiven me, but I can't do the same. The old Misaki is dead, and I don't know how to bring him back. You can't take back murder, even if it was an accident, even if the victim deserved it.

My brother came up to me and checked my forehead. "Misaki, are you okay? You're pale."

I nodded. "Fine." I trudged to the car and got inside with the adults. "Fine," I whispered to myself, like I would every night at the penitentiary. "I'm fine." I wasn't. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

In the rearview mirror, Usami-san kept glancing at me, like I was a test subject, or about to go AWOL. I returned it with a glare of my own when he stopped at the red light, but when it turned green he sped off and focused on the road again. I hugged myself and gazed out the window. This was the second time in years that I had been able to see the city. At least I was free of that place, and as long as I kept my parole, I wouldn't have to go back.

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**That's it for now. Hope you liked it so far, and don't forget to review! :3**


	2. Indirect Kissing

**Woo! I can't believe people are reading this. Thanks! Much love! :)**

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**Misaki**

Never been to a book signing before. Can't really say I enjoyed it either.

The party afterwards wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Usami-san was tricked by his agent, Isaka Ryūichirō, who only told him moments before that he had to make a short speech, and address his fans, and people who came out to support him. It was a self-promotion method Isaka-san said was always effective for Usami-san, because he rarely goes to those. And me, well I felt underdressed. Wearing sneakers, jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket will do that to you at a formal event.

Sucks to not get the memo.

I watched the man that was in love with my brother speaking at the mic. His persona had changed, possibly to feed the fantasy need of all his squealing fan girls, and to hide his usual displeased stare so he wouldn't scare them away. He still seemed a bit stiff in the shoulders, but maybe I was the only one to notice. Aikawa-san came up to me and poked me with her finger, kind of like a child would when their parents tell them not to touch anything, hesitantly, to test the waters.

"He's got the perfect poker face, right?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Doesn't change who he is at the end of the day." I saw her go rigid in the corner of my eye, but I ignored it. Instead, I walked out on the balcony and remained there, until some girl came up to me with a flirtatious smile. She had lost my interest already for that, but she still offered me her hand to shake.

"I'm Mikan!" she said.

I didn't take her hand, and stared straight ahead at the falling snow. I had missed seeing the cold, wet ice, and she was ruining the moment. I decided to freak her out, since her overenthusiastic personality freaked _me _out. I ended up shaking her hand, only to say, "And I'm gay and not interested." My tone was bland. I eyed her short skirt, and revealing blouse. Dressed for attention. "That is, unless you've got something under there that matches mine, but even then, transgender's aren't my type." I had nothing against them either, just people with perky personalities like hers…

Her sharp intake of breath made me want to laugh, but my face was as unreadable as always. She stomped off and left. I allowed myself to smirk, just this once. She was the poster child for those ads that say: Use protection, you never know what you might catch if you don't.

Footsteps, heelless footsteps, were heard once I had resumed my usual staring at the scenery. "That was rude of you," Usami-san said from behind me.

I shrugged, not giving him a glance. "So?"

"Are you really…?" Wouldn't he like to know?

I thought for a moment and then rolled my shoulders. "Probably not." I've never really questioned the idea of my sexuality until now.

He stood beside me and pulled a cigarette packet out. While he lit one up and took a puff, I said, "I guess I'll have to tell my brother you were selfish after you die of lung cancer, which could have been prevented."

That made him freeze, and for a moment, he seemed surprised, but his face relaxed quickly. He smirked and shook his head. "One cigarette won't kill me, and I didn't know you used any words containing more than seven letters, besides names." Jerk. I snatched it from him and took a drag of my own. If he was stunned before, he was really amazed now. He took it back from me, and held it between his fingers.

"Takahiro would have a fit if he saw you do that."

"This isn't the first time I've had a smoke."

_Silence_… I loved it. It's about the only thing I loved.

He grunted and inhaled on his stick again. "You realize that we just shared an indirect kiss, don't you?"

The question threw me off guard and I parted my lips, only to scowl and look away. "It wasn't my intention," I said, sounding like a prince of darkness.

He chuckled. "Intention? I didn't think an eighteen-year old without a diploma knew such an intelligent word. Bravo Misaki." Bastard. That was the first time he said my name. Too bad it had to be part of a joke, or I may have enjoyed the feeling of being addressed like an individual.

"I know more than you think. I'm not some insignificant kid just because I don't have a diploma." I tossed him a lifeless gaze. "And I'm not some grown man who's in love with a man he can't have."

That shut him up, only for a moment. He didn't seem mad, more like accepting. "It's amazing that you knew before he'd even suspect." His gaze was distant, like he was thinking about Takahiro.

"My brothers too good a person to string you along all this time if he did know, so… maybe you should find someone else. You're not getting any younger."

He scoffed and blew out some air from his nostrils and mouth. "You think you know something about love, but you're too young. You don't." Even though he said it in a quiet voice, it still ticked me off. I didn't have to know what love felt like to know how to receive it, or when to give up on it. I knew Takahiro would never love him. I knew I'd never get along with him either. He was a spoiled, grown man, who probably never got put in time out or given any form of corporal punishment. The mental image of me attacking Usami-san turned sour when I was envisioning myself on my first day there.

_"You won't last," a guard told me while he searched me for any weapons. "You're young, thirteen, your skin is smooth and your cheeks flush at the slightest embarrassment. You're the closest thing to a woman or teenage girl these men have seen in a long time." He handed me my suit and told me to change. "We guards can't catch every crime, because they do it so quickly it's as if it never happened, but try and make a friend. I can't believe I'm saying this but you'd be looked out for if you had a–" _

_I shook my head. "I get it."_

_"Just trying to help, but either way, your body isn't yours anymore. You're trapped."_

_Another guard laughed. "He deserves it, murdering his parents like that. I hope they get you good."_

"Stop belittling me… just stop picking on me," I murmured to the prisoner in my head. Even if he was right, I didn't want to hear it. "I don't want to hear you talk anymore. Go away." I self-consciously began to fidget, and felt those violet eyes staring down at me. I leaned my forearms on the railing, refusing to look up.

_"Place him in cell eighty-five," the guard said with a laugh. "He'll break the kid in."_

"Misaki," Usami-san said, but this time… Holy shit. It sounded so sensual, and smooth. I didn't know whether to gag or feel… I think I was blushing. Yeah, I was blushing. Did he think I was talking to _him_ just now? If my head could turn away any further, it'd snap. He touched my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me," I warned, liking the fact that I had a say as to whether or not my personal space could be invaded.

"I'm sorry, Misaki." That made me turn and glare at him. I didn't want his apology, however erotic it sounded. He responded by ruffling my hair in that relaxed manner of his. A ghost of a smile appeared on his features, and I parted my lips. It was weird to see him smile, even if it was faint and it didn't stay long. He faced the front and took another drag. "You're easy to pick on."

I couldn't argue with that. My inmate said the same thing… God, I hated him. I gripped the railing until the blood left my hands. Think of something else, like Mr. Superior over there. "Why aren't you in there celebrating with your fans?" Or kissing my brother's ass?

"Parties aren't my thing." I chose to remain quiet until he asked, "Would you like me to help you get your G.E.D.? That is if you'd like. It'll increase your chances of getting into a decent college."

I pretended not to be surprised. "_College_?"

He still didn't meet my gaze. "Yes, just because you've been locked up doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have a normal life. School is a part of that life."

"Ten years of it have been behind bars. That's half my life." I frowned and shook my head. "That's bull," I whispered to myself, hoping he hadn't heard it. He had.

He made a noise in response. "I'll talk to Takahiro about it… Misaki?"

I sighed and scratched my head. His smooth voice was confusing, almost seducing. "Usami-san?"

"Don't allow the past to control your future." I snapped my head up, and he gently placed the cigarette tip in my mouth. He smirked and lifted my chin, seeming satisfied. He was _way_ too close. "Another indirect kiss." And with that, he walked away.

"We're leaving in five minutes," he called over his shoulder. "I'd leave you behind if you were late getting to the car, but I'm sure Takahiro wouldn't appreciate that, Misaki." I heard the smirk in his voice.

My lips quivered a little, until a small grin broke through my face for a moment. I didn't inhale while I let the cigarette sit between my lips, but relished in the feeling of what Usami-san said. It _was_ an indirect kiss, my second from him. The sensation burning my body was… interesting, but I didn't want to welcome it. Instead I thought of the fight that went down when I was in prison, the one where some guy's throat was slit, and I stiffened. The knots in my stomach had left.

I rolled the cigarette around, interested in the idea of kissing, whether it was indirect or not. I don't know why it mattered so much, that indirect kiss, but one thing was for certain. I didn't think I was straight.

"Maybe I'm gay," I muttered darkly.

* * *

The ride home seemed different somehow. Usami-san didn't seem like a bad guy, even if he had a superior outlook on things. Maybe that wasn't his fault. When he pulled in front of our house, my brother thanked him and got out. When I unlocked my side of the car door from the backseat, Usami-san locked it. Aikawa-san smiled, as if she knew what he was thinking.

He rolled down the window and glanced at me from the back seat, but I looked away. "Takahiro," Usami-san said. "Misaki said that he would like me to help him study for his G.E.D test." If I had been myself, I would have shouted, "_What_?!" But I wasn't. I was kind of glad to leave Takahiro for a few hours, since the signing wasn't long and we left the part after twenty minutes. It was seven o'clock, and Takahiro was such a good brother, but I needed a break from his affection already, so I didn't call Usami-san out on his lie.

"Tonight?" my brother asked.

"He needs all the studying he can get, and he asked to go tonight."

This shocked my brother, but he smiled. He was so naïve. "Are you sure, Misaki?" Takahiro…

Usami-san met my gaze in the rearview mirror again and I found myself nodding. "Um yeah… Besides, my parole officer is coming tomorrow, so I want to use my free time away from the house, just for tonight. It's only seven o'clock. I'll be back before you go to sleep."

My brother beamed. "It's nice to see you passionate about school." No brother. Freedom is what I was passionate about. "Alright, well–"

"Takahiro!" a woman called him. She waved and walked up to the car. I noticed the way Usami-san stiffened, and glared at the woman. Typical, but is it typical for me to care about that expression too? Nope. Absolutely not. I let it go, even after my brother introduced all of us to his girlfriend, and Usami-san sped away.

Aikawa-san glanced at me from the side mirror, a hint of sadness in her eyes. Mine lingered on hers for only a moment before I folded my arms and welcomed the silence. He dropped Aikawa-san off a little while later, and waited for her to enter her home. The car didn't move, even after she had.

"You're not going to sit up here?" Usami-san asked. His voice wasn't like before at the party, all velvet and alluring. It was pre-party, like he was pissed and didn't give a damn whether or not I sat up there.

I hugged myself again and shook my head, watching his glare match mine in the rearview mirror for the second time that day. That was all he needed to see, and he sped off again. I think he ran three red lights, and by some dumb luck, we survived the car ride. He was a terrible driver. He lived at the top floor of this huge skyscraper, too much space for one person. When we entered, he threw off his jacket, kept on his tie, and began to walk upstairs. A bear was sitting on the couch.

"Why did you want me over here?" I asked him, sounding annoyed, and he paused.

"I was curious," he admitted, like it was a natural thing. It wasn't.

"Until you saw my brother with her," I concluded with a morose tone. I headed towards the front door and when I opened it, he shut it from behind me. Hm, he could move fast when he wanted.

I was basically getting spooned, and the feeling was a mix between disgust and lust.

"Stay for a while, Misaki," he told me. There came that velvet tone again, full force. _Misaki._ It made me itch as much as not having a drag.

I played it off by scoffing and sounding as venomous as possible. "Why? You don't want me."

"It's not like you want me, but you came didn't you? Why did you…?"

"Because I was curious." Just like you Usami-san. I pressed my forehead against the door, not turning to face him, but I'm sure I _felt _him. "I'm not sleeping with you."

His breath was on the back of my neck, and his forehead was on my cranium. His forearm was over my head, against the door to prevent me from leaving. What made me feel strange was the sensation of his free arm that was around my waist, and his hand that was covering mine to stop me from turning the knob. He lowered his lips beside my ear and whispered, "I didn't ask you to. I wasn't expecting you to stay over either, but if you don't feel like going home, you can sleep in my guest bedroom, _alone_, with the door locked."

I swallowed. "Usagi –Usami-san…"

"Please stay a while, Misaki." _Misaki._

"Why?"

"Because you need a friend." I need anti-depressants is what I frickin need, either that or riddling.

I paused and gathered my thoughts. "Is this your way of saying you're lonely, Usami-san?"

"No, this is my way of saying that you're Takahiro's little brother. I don't want you upsetting him, or yourself."

My free hand curled into a fist and I slammed it on the door. "Does every conversation have to revert back to my brother?" I heard him intake some air and I turned around, scowling. "Just because you see what he can't about me, doesn't mean you're not hiding anything too."

He tilted his head, seeming unamused. "Oh really? And what do you see in me that I'm hiding?"

"I see a lonely, brokenhearted author, who hides behind his manuscripts."

He shrugged impassively. "Fair enough. But even the most reclusive people get lonely, Misaki, and you're no different."

I nodded and removed my hand that he was still holding out of his grip. "I know," I whispered, lowering my gaze.

He lifted my chin, making me look him in the eyes. "You should look at people more when you talk. Eye contact is important." Did he see how intimidating he was?

"You should actually talk to more people instead of going out of the country," I retorted. Aikawa-san also said he pretended to not be home, and once even dead.

He hummed in approval. "I should…" He sighed. "Misaki, I know what you're thinking, but know that I would never try and use you as a replacement for Takahiro. I just…" He hesitated. "It's strange. It's easier to talk to you than it is him. You're not so naïve. I don't know if I'm interested in you, or..."

That makes two of us. I reached into his pocket and grabbed his car keys. "I'm hungry," I concluded in a monotone voice. "I doubt you can cook, and I don't want to wait for takeout. Let's go eat. You're buying." My stomach made noises that I didn't think were possible.

I caught him off guard again, and left his home, smirking the entire way. He followed behind me after a while, and finally yanked his keys back. "You don't have a license." Now he remembers.

I frowned. "Can't you live a little you grumpy, old man?"

"Can't _you_, you miserable delinquent?" He was still a jerk in his own right, but as much as I hated to admit it, I was enjoying Usagi-san's –I mean Usami-san's company. He was so disagreeable with me that his personality somehow agreed with mine.

Am I making sense? Of course not. People who talk to the voices in their heads make little sense...

I am _so_ past the insane radar it's not even funny anymore.

_"Cell eighty-five."_

"Nope," I told myself. "It's not." Usami-san didn't comment, thankfully.

* * *

Dinner was at a fast food restaurant, since I told him that I wasn't waiting at some fancy place for too long. Besides my stomach kept making noises. It was after he was sitting there, and we had finished our food that I stood. When he started to get up, I went around the table and touched his shoulder, a silent motion to make him sit.

I shoved my hands in my pockets while he arched his eyebrow. "Misaki?" Don't say it like that.

"You know, no matter how I look at it," I started in a dead voice. "We just had an indirect date." I inwardly smirked when I saw his surprised expression again. Misaki two, Usami-san… well…

He turned away and shook his head. "No, dates end with kisses."

"Not first dates."

He grinned. "So you admit this is a date?" No way.

Thinking more boldly, since I loved playing mind games, I took my hand out of my pocket, kissed it, and then covered his mouth. "Our third indirect kiss," I whispered, not removing my hand. The toast sprung out of the toaster. "Don't drive me back to your place," I told him laxly. "I'm walking home." I waved over my shoulder as I left the restaurant, not answering him when he called after me.

"Stupid man," I whispered darkly once I had left. "Making me do stupid things…" My walk slowed for a moment. "Being so easy to be around…" This could_ not_ happen again. I couldn't make another friend, if that's all he was.

_"Because you need a friend."_

The whole time home, that frustrating author's car was beside me, receiving several honks from the people behind him. But I didn't want to get in. I liked the freedom I had of walking. Even in the cold air, it felt nice. I was free.

Once I got home, I wished Takahiro a good night and went to my room. After I had shut the door and locked it, I grabbed my pillow and covered my face, screaming into it so Takahiro wouldn't hear me.

_"Misaki…!" she screamed. "Misaki, please! Don't do this, _please_!"_

I threw the pillow on the floor and kicked my desk, dropping to my knees afterwards. Just when I was feeling content, _she _pops up. "Get out of my head, mom," I whispered to her, knowing that if there was a God then there was a heaven, and I was sure she heard me. "Don't come back, or I'll murder you all over again… and this time, I'll mean it." I curled into a ball on the floor, and slept there. People like me didn't deserve beds as soft and as comfortable as those. The whole night I thought of someone, someone with silver hair, and violet eyes, listening to him repeat my name over and over.

_"Misaki… Misaki…" _Usagi-san.

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**Author note: This chapter was longer than intended lol, but I like long chapters so they just might get bigger. XD I wonder if anyone caught the toaster reference… Thanks to everybody who's reading! Leave a review if you'd like, much appreciation.**

** Misses Tsundere:** LOL! All I have to say is… we think alike! I love their pain too! It is so wrong but_ so_ right!

** Lee: **Thanks for supporting this fanfic! Glad I've got you craving more! Hopefully your craving will continue. ;)


	3. Living Arrangements

**Misaki**

It'd been weeks since Usami-san and I had talked about the date, and indirect kisses. He seemed like he wanted to pounce on me whenever he got the chance, but never acted on it. I was worried about what was going to happen to us once our study sessions were over. He was my tutor, nothing more but whenever he wasn't around…

I was lonely.

That morning I woke up, showered, and changed. I was expecting a bell to go off like it did in prison to tell me that I had to go back to my cell, so I waited a moment.

It never rang.

Pacing into the living room, I saw that it was empty. The kitchen was too, but there was a note. I picked it up and skimmed over it. Takahiro was at work, and wouldn't be back for a while, like usual.

The phone rang, but I ignored it. It's not like it was my phone, and honestly, I felt more like Takahiro's unwelcomed guest, than I did his little brother. The voice message began to play after it alerted me. "Misaki it's me," Takahiro said. Shocker. "I'm sending Usagi-san over to check up on you while I'm gone. I know watching TV all day gets a bit boring so maybe the two of you will find something to occupy your time until I get back this evening, or he can help you with your studies as always."

"There are a lot of things Usagi-san and I could do to occupy the time," I thought out loud, turning the machine off. I grabbed a toothpick and placed it in my mouth, stabbing it in my cheek every time I craved a cigarette. The craving ceased after the third puncture.

I was never a breakfast person, since we only got one meal a day at that place, so I just watched TV for a while, that is, until I heard a sound. It was coming from one of the rooms in the house, not the kind that old houses make, but the one where something sounds like someone dropped something, the intrusion sound. I felt like one of those robots on TV had shouted: Alert-alert! Intruder-alert!

Not wanting to panic, I stood, stuffed my hands in my pocket, and went to the kitchen. After skimming over the utensils, I grabbed the biggest knife I could find and slowly walked down the hallway. But the further I stepped, the further the tension became. I turned into that same, terrified, little, eight-year old boy, and halted.

Paranoia took over all logic.

The knife trembled in my hands and I began hearing voices. It was hard to tell if they were in my head or not, but I assumed the worst.

_"Come here."_

I knew that voice. It was his voice… so I backed away. The room started spinning, and images of the prison swarmed my thoughts. In a sickening whisper, I asked, "How did you find me?"

_"It's so easy to get to you, Misaki. You're easy to pick on."_

"Get out of this house," I hissed, keeping a glare up.

"Misaki," someone behind me called.

"I said get out!" I whirled around, intending to stab the intruder, but stopped before the knife reached the victims face, _his _face, Usagi-san.

We stood like that, me with the butcher knife near his head and our mouths agape. We were stunned. He grabbed my wrist and lowered my hand. "Misaki."

Don't call me like that… "U–Usami-san…" I dropped the knife and fell to my knees, but he never let go of my wrist, even when my hand started trembling again.

I wiped my tears with my forearm and the new Misaki returned. "Don't scare me like that," I warned in a menacing voice. "Don't pop in uninvited. Don't… How the hell did you get in here?"

"Takahiro gave me the house key a while back," he said, dangling his key set in my face for a moment. He knelt and lifted his hand, as if to touch me. I think a part of me, a small part that I was refusing, wanted him to do it, but instead I closed my eyes and flinched at the action. I stayed like that a while, and when I opened them, his hand had retreated back to his side.

He picked up the knife and went to the kitchen, returning back without it. After he was finished, he leaned against the wall and folded his arms. "Are you going to sit there all day, or do you want to go get some breakfast? I thought we could grab some and skip the studying today. After I graded your mock exam it seems you've earned a day off. Although you're not where you need to be to pass, you did show a tremendous improvement since the first one."

"As great as that sounds, I don't want to leave the house," I murmured.

He made a hum noise and glanced past me. I hated that I couldn't tell what he was thinking right now. Usually I understood. "What's back there?" he asked.

I followed his eyes and stared at the room, shrugging. "I thought I heard something."

"And stabbing them to death would get you nowhere but another cell." Bastard.

I clenched my fists. "Go away."

"I can't do that." His voice was so… so alluring, and the sad thing is I don't even think he meant it to be.

"Why?"

"Because I've already tried." While I was busy staring at him like he was some sort of moron-slash-God, he slid down the wall and sat down. "I keep telling myself that what you said about me isn't true, that part about me being lonely… but now that I've met you, I've realized you were right."

"So you _do_ want friends?" I asked him. It'd been weeks since I asked that.

He shook his head. "No, just you, Misaki." The name thing has _got_ to stop. It's way too sensual, but I enjoyed it, like a lover of cocaine and heroin. Usagi-san was an addiction. No doubt about it…

I knew I was blushing, but I ignored it and scooted over to the opposite wall so that we were staring at each other. Our legs somehow crossed paths, since we both extended them at the same time, resulting in one of my legs propping on his. I could have moved it so that they were side by side, but he didn't seem to mind, and the friction –no the anticipation of him being so near made me want to –Wait. What the hell am I saying? Moving on.

"Fine," I said, as if I didn't care. I did. I _so_ did. "We're friends. Happy now?" Calling him sensei for the past three weeks had me feeling a bit naughty though… hm.

"Yes," he admitted. He met my gaze, and gave me this amused grin, way divergent than his usual reserved expression. "Are you?"

I lowered my eyes and folded my arms. Truth be told, I was terrified. I hadn't had a friend in a long time, but... "Yeah," I forced out, wishing to bite my tongue off. After a moment of silence, I saw him staring at me with that cute, dumbstruck expression, which I returned with a small frown. "Usami-san?"

His face relaxed. "Hm?"

"What do friends –well grown friends do? My last friend was eight and I doubt you play video games."

He smirked. "I like to play games. I have plenty of toys." Now if he said that without the arrogant smirk, I might have had a nose bleed,_ might_.

"You're not normal."

He stood and offered me his hand to take. "Misaki…" I think he was undressing me with his eyes. "Why don't we go get breakfast?"

"Alright," I muttered. Even though I didn't want to leave the house, who was I to pass up food? Free food at that… Now I sound homeless, but Takahiro's house still didn't seem like mine. Usagi-san's did. It made me feel safe and sound knowing that he was there with me. Too bad I didn't have a Usagi-san at Takahiro's house twenty-four-seven.

* * *

During the car ride, I felt so… comfortable, even if I was sitting in an overly-priced, red, sports car with a popular novelist that had a major superiority complex. I liked his company, and the calming silence that he brought about whenever nothing else needed to be said. Usagi-san was more of a real person than I expected.

"Octopus sausage," he said, holding one between his chopsticks at his table.

Then again, there were times that I thought he had the mind of an eight year old. I huffed and took his piece with my own sticks, eating and watching him watch me with intrigue. "You're supposed to eat it, not admire it."

"Why is this all you made?" he asked me from across his table.

I shrugged. "That was the only thing I remember my mom making when I was little." My eyes trailed to the couch, where Suzuki was sitting. "Quick question: You do know that Sato is the most common name right?" Chopsticks were heard breaking and I turned my head. "Guess not. Well I remember you saying yesterday how you thought Suzuki was the most common name so… yeah. Just thought you should know."

No response. I think I hurt his ego a little bit. Don't worry. It'll be back later, I'm sure.

Breakfast was eaten in silence until he asked, "May I ask you something?"

The glass of orange juice I was about to drink didn't meet my mouth once I paused. "Doesn't mean I'll answer, but shoot." I gulped some of it down, and placed my glass back on the table.

He stood and walked around the table, grabbing my arm and lifting my wrist to expose some old marks. The word _garbage_ was exposed underneath my self-harm. "Are you harming yourself anymore, Misaki? Be honest. If you are I need to know." Déjà vu.

I scoffed and snatched my arm away, getting up. "I already told you why I did it, Usagi-san." I blushed when I realized what I called him, and made my way over to the couch in a hurry. He followed.

"Misaki."

"Drop it."

"Misaki." Before I could say anything he turned me around and hugged me. His large palm stroked the back of my head and he squeezed me, like he was desperate of a hug or something. "I was just making sure… I don't want to lose you."

"You don't even know me," I said, refusing to hug him back.

He sighed. "You don't know how to cook, but I can tell you'd like to learn. Your favorite color is blue because it's depressing and you like sad things, even in films and novels, because you say happy endings are unrealistic. You may not show it, but you have a precocious way of thinking when it comes to the well-being of Takahiro and the health of others, even me. You're not as dumb as you assume that I think you are. In fact when you apply yourself, you're highly intelligent. You like being around me, and in my home, and you're more comfortable here than at Takahiro's. And you can't help but blush whenever we speak. I know you Misaki, better than Takahiro does." Well screw me… he was spot on.

Not wanting him to stop talking, I asked, "What else?"

"You love to hear me speak," he said at my ear. I fought back a shiver. "Whenever I say your name, as soon as it's over, you miss it." Damn.

That made me smile, but I was glad he couldn't see me. "Usami-san–"

"You said Usagi-san before," he mentioned. "Say it again."

I gulped and shook my head, stepping away from him. "I don't want to have a free day today."

He came closer. "Then let's study."

"No, I… I don't want to do that either." I scratched my head. "I'm leaving."

"I'll drive you."

"I can walk just fine –HEY! Usagi-san! You jerk! Put me down!"

"Even though you're pouting, you're responding quite nicely." He tossed me on the couch and stood there, staring at me with neutral eyes. "Admit that you want to be here."

I scoffed and lowered my gaze. "No."

"Misaki–"

"I never said I wanted to be gay," I whispered, sitting up. I grabbed Suzuki and pulled the bear against my body. "I never said I wanted to be somebody's bitch either but…"

_"On your knees, Misaki."_

I flinched and shut my eyes. "I don't want to be this way. I don't want to keep seeing those things, reliving what they did to me." I started to cry and I heard him gasp. "I–I don't want you to like me, and I_ don't_ want to like you." But I do.

His arms were around my shoulders, holding me like I was his prized possession. "Misaki, I don't know what happened to you in prison but I have a pretty good guess. It's alright to like someone, no matter what gender." What was he a motivational speaker now?

"I'm used," I said in disgust. "I'm wasted."

"Not to me," he argued. "Let me help you, Misaki." He cupped my face in his palms. "Please…"

I grimaced. "I'm not crazy."

He never let go of me. "I never said you were."

"I keep seeing things, Usagi-san," I murmured. Even now as I looked past him, I saw them, my parents and my cell mate. "I don't want to see them anymore. I can't keep living like this." My cell phone that Takahiro bought me began to ring. Out of rage, I picked it up and threw it against the wall, watching it break into several pieces. There was a dent in Usagi-san's wall, but I was too pissed to care.

Usagi-san combed his hand through my hair. "Don't be upset. I'm here."

I lowered my gaze again. "Why? Why would anyone want to help me? I'm a murderer, remember?"

"I don't care." Maybe he was the crazy one. "Tell me what happened," he pleaded. "Talking helps, Misaki."

"Doesn't change what I did."

"I don't care what you did, or if you don't want me around. I'll always be around to help you, Misaki. Please know that." When we met eyes, he said, "Always."

After he touched my hand, I squeezed it back. I moved Suzuki out of the way so that I could hug him forcefully. The action stunned him for only a moment before he responded back. "I don't want to tell you," I told him. "But I do need to tell someone. I can't be you though… not you."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Not your only friend, hm?"

"It's… it's because you're my only friend," I whispered. I heard his breath hitch, but I didn't care. He laid me down on the couch and continued to embrace me, with his head on my stomach. I raked my hand through his silver hair, loving the smoothness.

"Usagi-san," I said, hoping that my voice didn't sound so empty and morbid at the moment. "Can I stay over? I don't want to go to Takahiro's place."

"Anytime, Misaki."

He scooted forward so that his head was above mine, but I kept my hand in his hair. "Would you like to see a therapist?" Before I could protest he said, "I'll go with you to every appointment, even if it's just me waiting outside the office. I'll pay for it, Misaki."

I turned away. "I'm not crazy," I said with a scowl.

He chuckled, so I gulped and looked up, meeting his violet eyes. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, then my cheek, and finally… my lips. It was like being struck by lightning, painful yet surging with energy. It was also relieving, because I had to wait this long for contact with his lips, nearly a month to be exact. His tongue was already on beat with mine, and his hands began to roam, but he abruptly stopped.

"You flinched," he murmured against my lips. He met my eyes, scanning them as if asking me to continue. "I'm scaring you." No shit.

I didn't want him to not touch me again, so I said, "It's not you it's… I'm just... I mean..."

"When you babble like that, you're only making me want you more, Misaki." I held his forearms, rubbing the material with my fingers. He wanted me, like I wanted him.

"It's not you," I said, reaching up and digging my nails in his back. Usagi-san's house phone began to ring, but when he started to get up to answer it, I held him down, hugging him as if he'd disappear. He understood and laid back down on top of me. He was a bit heavy, but most grown men were if they were if they laying on top of a lanky, teenage boy.

"Usagi-san?"

"Misaki?"

"Friends don't do this, do they?"

He smiled at me. "Beneficial friend's maybe." I cracked a grin and it made him give me a chaste kiss. "Smile more," he pleaded in a low tone. "It suits you." No way. It's embarrassing.

"Maybe someday," I said, and noticed the way my voice sounded guarded again. Maybe someday I'd be able to accept the fact that I'm gay, whether I was forced into it or not. Maybe Usagi-san and I could date then, but right now I needed to get some demons off my back, and let my secrets out. I don't know why this man wants to help me do it, but the more I say I don't want him around is another lie to add to my list of secrets.

"Usagi-san, you know this doesn't change anything right? We're–"

"Just friends, for now." I groaned after that last bit, and he pressed his mouth on my forehead. "I'll wait." He smirked at me. "As long as you agree to kiss me after each novel I write, press conference I attend, book signing, and every time I'm all out of Misaki."

I scoffed. "In your dreams old man."

"I'm only ten years your senior."

"Only, yeah because ten years isn't much…" It wasn't, not to me, but it was nice to get a rise out of him, especially since he loved getting one out of me. I made a hum noise and tapped his back. "Also, there was this incident with me on a field trip in second grade. I went to the bathroom and the teacher thought I ran away. Long story short, Takahiro's been terrified of losing me since." I would have included my parents, but mentioning them would make the situation sour. "And he should be here in three, two, one–"

The door was being pounded on. "USAGI-SAN! MISAKI'S GONE MISSING!" He got here in record time, a whole two minutes earlier than the last. He must have been speeding…

Usagi-san buried his head on my chest and snickered. He _snickered_ at Takahiro! The vibrations of it echoed through me and I smiled for a moment, glad that he couldn't see. Eventually, after Takahiro kept screaming about how I was abducted, Usagi-san answered the door. It was then that he somehow talked Takahiro into letting me stay at his place for a few months.

"Misaki's just a misunderstood, troubled youth that needs my guidance," Usagi-san said from where he sat on the couch.

Takahiro, who was sitting next to me on the other sofa, turned to me and asked, "Really Misaki? Do you look up to Usagi-san?" I have to look up to see him because he's so tall if that's what you mean…

I was nursing the glass of water in my hand and I nodded, stupidly. "Uh yeah," I answered, taking a sip.

"He can't live in a house without his sensei nearby," Usagi-san continued and placed his hand on his chest. "His exact words were, _Sensei I need you. Please don't leave me_ and after he begged me with those adorable eyes, I just couldn't say no, Takahiro." Cue my spit take. "He practically worships me." And the sound of my glass dropping to the floor. "Who am I to deny my student something that he wants so much?" Sneaky mother fu–

I coughed and Takahiro patted my back. "Are you okay, Misaki?"

I glared at Usagi-san and nodded. "Fine." That high and mighty bastard. He and Takahiro stood. "Usagi-san, this is great! Misaki's finally opened up to someone!"

"Are you kidding me?!" I asked myself in a low, harsh whisper, hugging Suzuki.

They shook hands and hugged, so I made a gag noise and shook my head. Takahiro was _so_ ignorant some times.

"He'll be in good hands Takahiro!" Usagi-san chirped. Wipe that smile off your face!

Takahiro crinkled his eyes while he beamed. "I know he will!" Another man hug began, a little too long for my liking and I ended pulling them away, hugging Takahiro and growling at Usagi-san. When Takahiro left I locked myself in the guest bed room, listening to that arrogant author rave about how jealous I had gotten when Takahiro was over.

I scoffed and folded my arms, leaning on the door while he knocked from the other side. "Calling me jealous is not going to make me unlock the door, idiot," I said in my usual bad boy manner. A smirk was playing at my lips until he said, "That's okay. I have a master key."

"You wouldn't!" I squeaked out, showing my old self.

"I would… unless."

"Unless what?"

"Say it."

"Eh?"

"My name."

"…Usami-san."

He sighed. "That was mean of you, Misaki."

I shrugged but he couldn't see. "You never said which name..."

* * *

Later that night, after I had gone to bed, I had a nightmare. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, hoping that I'd forget it soon, but it just wouldn't go away. They were after me, even when I thought I was free of them, of him. I could see them laughing at me in the corners of my room, and some were hiding under the bed and whispering about me, holding sharp objects, ropes and socks in their hands.

_"Misaki, I see you."_

After rubbing my eyes and crawling out of bed, I unlocked the door, opened it, and went to Usagi-san's room. It was empty, which meant that he was working on his next novel.

I didn't care, so I plopped down on it and closed my eyes. I gripped the sheets and noticed they smelled as good as he did, a glorious, cologne smell. I wiped my stray tears with the sheets and sniffled a bit, listening to his train set.

A while later, I heard someone enter the room and lay down beside me, brushing my hair with their hand. A kiss was placed on my right eye, like he was kissing my tears away. "Good night, Misaki," he whispered. I didn't have to reply. He knew by the way I relaxed against his touch that I wished him a good night too, and soon I drifted to sleep.

I felt safe there, right there next to him, though I'd never tell him that… not yet, but definitely maybe.

* * *

**Author's note: It's official, every chapter from here on out will be at least two-thousand words or more because I****_ love_**** this pairing! XD Thanks peeps for reading and to anyone who's reviewed. Let me know what you think. No seriously, I can take it. I'm like a spider monkey! –No wait, I am Jaguar ****_Paw_****! *coughs* Sorry, I lied, but how awesome would that be?!**

**Misses Tsundere:** Oh meh gersh! You're a cookie giver! *gives you hug and fangirl squeal* Hell yes! Now, I'd like one sugar, one chocolate chip, and one peanut butter with a baby romantica rose on the side… jk lol. Thanks for reviewing! XD


	4. Familiar Faces

**A/N: Hi there! Me again… hm I sound like I'm making a video blog. Been watching too much YouTube. Well I'm super psyched that people are reading this, and ****all replies to guest reviews are at the bottom****! And after this chap is over well let's just say… shit just gets real. ): … D: ….. DX**

* * *

**Misaki**

My thirtieth day living with Usagi-san was the first day of my therapy session with Dr. Sakura, and let's just say that I was tense the entire ride there, even now as Usagi-san pulled into a free parking space in front of the skyscraper. Once he put the car in park and shut it off, neither of us moved.

"Misaki, it's going to be fine," Usagi-san said. I was nibbling at my nail, the one on my index finger, while I stared out the window, ignoring him. I was terrified, but I knew I had to go in. Sitting here wouldn't make the problems go away, talking would.

His firm hand pulled my finger away from my mouth and held it, but I still wouldn't look at him. "I know you're afraid, but I'll be right in the lobby, okay?" He sounded so assuring whenever he spoke to me, in that enthralling tone, with such comfort. Now normally I'd tell him to stop spouting that babyish crap, but I needed to hear it today because he was right.

Keeping my voice neutral, I asked, "You promise?"

He didn't answer right away, so I turned and he pressed our foreheads against each other. His pinky finger lifted while he kept a soothing hold on my other palm. I blushed, and he whispered, "Pinky promise, Misaki."

I gave him a lidded gaze. "You really do have the mind of a child," I chided him. I stared at his pinky, and then back up at his violet eyes. "I look like I need this?"

"Friends swear with pinky fingers," he said. I think I heard a weird whistle while he said, "I saw it on television."

I locked our fingers and shook my head. "Did the friends who were doing it resemble little children?"

He responded by kissing my pinky and getting out of the car. Once outside, he went around to my door and opened it for me. When I didn't get out, he knelt and took my hand again. "Misaki." Oh here we go again. I managed to at least get my feet out, but the rest of my body wouldn't move, so I just sat there.

He cradled my face with his free hand. "Misaki, please get out of the car." The way he begged… that's all I've got to say about that.

"I _am_ crazy," I murmured. I knew I was. Nobody who saw what I saw, and talked to who I talked to was sane. They just couldn't be.

By the way he shook his head, I assumed that he thought I was wrong. "Misaki, you just need someone who can help you cope with your problems, someone who'll listen and won't judge you." I wish that was you, but I can't say it just yet.

I nodded and got out of the car, but he never let go of my hand. In fact, even after I tried to pull away, he kept it firmly attached to his. "I'm not a baby," I griped.

He smirked. "But you are my Misaki, and I know you're uncomfortable. I also know you like holding my hand, whether you admit to it or not." Good point.

* * *

To say that I was stunned would be a lie. I was expecting more medication and symptoms, but at least I wasn't insane.

"Depression and manic depression," I murmured, reading over my list of mental illnesses. "What's the difference?"

"Manic depression is another term for bipolar disorder," he said as he drove.

"Anxiety and paranoia…" I sighed from where I was seated in the car and peered over at Usagi-san. "I told you I was crazy."

He stopped at a red light, cupped my face in his hand, and moved his lips against mine. It was brief, but even then it was enough to make my cheeks redden. His thumb brushed over my bottom lip while he said, "Not to me, Misaki." Glad you think so. You're the only one. I swear Takahiro's faking his beliefs.

It took me a moment, one awestruck moment, to respond. "The paper says so," I murmured against his digit. He shook his head and continued to caress my bottom lip, smirking when he noticed how red my face was. When the light turned green, he focused on the road, and drove off.

Strange, I was expecting another kiss…

* * *

We went to a pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions, and later, lunch at an overly priced restaurant. It wasn't one where I had to wear a suit and tie, just the one that charges like nearly a thousand yen for a beverage, and includes a_ huge_ tip fee in the bill, that gets bigger when you're with a party.

I took my time eating my… You know I'm not sure what it was. Usagi-san ordered it for me, but I forgot what it was called, but it was a lot of different meats and reds and greens and… stuff.

It tasted good.

Usagi-san had the same, and took a sip of his wine, while I drank some of my soda. "What'd you talk about during the session?" he asked once his glass was back on the table. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. What the hell did he think?

I shrugged indifferently, and moved some meat around on my plate with my chopsticks. "Nothing really. She just wanted to get to know me, like where I grew up, my hobbies, and all that… She told me hers first." I rolled my shoulders again. "She said it'd help me get more comfortable around her since I couldn't tell her everything I wanted."

"That makes you upset," he stated. When my brow rose, he pointed at his right eye and passed me a napkin. "You're crying."

I scoffed and took the cloth from him, dabbing at my eyes. "Usagi-san…"

"Yes?"

"When she was asking all those personal questions, about my hobbies and stuff, I could only answer one. It's –It's like I don't know who the real me is, and–" I huffed and scratched my head. "There is no real Misaki, just –if I take that medication, then a whole new Misaki's gonna be around, and I still won't know myself."

"Be who you want to be," he advised me. "I'd tell you to be yourself, but you said you don't know him so..." He shared a small smile with me. "Remember that I'm always here if you need to talk. That includes the therapist."

I took a bite of my food, while he eyed me with concern. While I was chewing, I mumbled a quick thanks, hoping he hadn't heard it. He had, as usual. Ugh.

"Akihiko," some man called him. He was dressed all rich, had that suit and tie. Call me crazy –which I'm sure some of you are –but he kind of resembled an older version of Usagi-san.

"Akihiko," I said to myself. All this time and I didn't even know the man's name? Usagi-san visibly tensed and looked at the man with a glare I had only seen targeted at Aikawa-san whenever she barged into our –his home. It was the kind he gave any poor soul that was willing to wake him up in the mornings. It was scary.

The man approached our table, and smiled. "Akihiko, why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"Why are you here?" Usagi-san asked. His baritone voice was so menacing. I liked it. It suited him.

The man turned to me and offered me his hand. I stared at it, and then at Usagi-san, who was daring me to touch it. Even though I liked a challenge, I wasn't crazy. I took a small sip of my soda instead, and the man lowered his hand. The man kept his smile intact, and that's when I noticed another man behind him. I'm gonna assume he was this man's son, Usagi-san's brother… Usagi-san had them both beat in looks, for sure.

"Haruhiko and I just wanted to see the new roommate you live with now," his father said. "We're worried about you, and you never answer when we call." I could see why.

"I'm fine," he told them. "Now leave."

"A man who wastes time writing pointless, worthless trash isn't fine," Haruhiko said behind Papa stiff.

I set my drink on the table and put my elbow up so that I could rest my cheek on my knuckle. "Have you even read one of his novels?" I asked. What a douchebag. My question threw all three Usami's for a loop, but I continued on and said, "That's what I thought. People like you make me sick. How can you judge something you haven't even read?" His lips parted and I smirked. "You can't, can you?" Nope, that asshole.

I glared at him. "I can tell you two don't get along, but that's no reason to try and insult your own brother for doing something that he's passionate about. Honestly, it makes me want to shove my foot up your ass, but by the way you act I'm guessing someone already did." I glanced at Papa Usami. "Please leave us alone so that we can enjoy the rest of our meal. It's obvious that he doesn't want to talk to you."

Papa stiff looked pissed, and Stiff Jr. seemed a bit wonderstruck. I appeared pissed by default. I'm not a people person. Usagi-san doesn't count as people. He's a God.

When they left I sighed and said, "Hey Usagi-san, what your brother said before about your novels wasn't true. They're not trash and I loved reading every one that I've read so far." I blushed when I noticed his small smile. "U–Usagi-san…? Are you okay? Are you listening to me?"

He didn't say anything else, just reached across the table and squeezed my hand. If my face could get any redder, it would. "Usagi-san…?"

* * *

The whole way home, that same smile was there on his lips. I loved it, and knowing that I was the one who had put it there made my heart feel like it was going to explode. I welcomed the feeling.

When we entered our home, he attacked my mouth and I had to push him away. I wiped some spit off my chin and grumbled. "Usagi-san," I griped. "Respect my personal space. Geez you're acting like–" He silenced me by embracing me.

"Thank you," he whispered. "It's cute to see you get so worked up defending me."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well your brother's an asshole. Your dad didn't say anything rude, but I'm sure he is too."

He chuckled and I positioned my forehead in the crook of his neck, while he stroked some of my hair strands. "Misaki?"

"Hm?"

"Did you really read some of my books?" Every one of them except…

"Some." I felt him squeeze me tighter, and I inhaled his scent. He smelled _so_ good. I kind of didn't want him to let go.

"Which ones?"

I grinned against his collared neck. "Everything but those shitty, BL novels. I read the first page of book one and gagged when I saw Takahiro's name in there…" A thought occurred in my mind, something that I hadn't thought of in a while. "Are you… still in love with my brother?"

"Would you love me if I said I wasn't?" Huh?

I pulled away from him and folded my arms. "Explain."

He picked up my medicine bag and brought it over to the kitchen. "What if I didn't love Takahiro? What if I loved someone else?" Don't say it. Please don't, not my name. "Don't look away, Misaki. Whether you believe it or not, I do love you. That's why I'm waiting."

"For how long?" I hadn't meant to ask that out loud.

"Forever if I have to, as long as you're here with me, and not with someone else."

I face palmed and walked to the couch. I checked the messages on my new phone that Usagi-san bought me and swore. "You know Aikawa-san called me twenty-three times right?" I turned to see him fixing some coffee and placing my medicine bottle on the counter.

"I know," he said. "I missed a deadline last night."

I deadpanned. "Seriously Usagi-san, you've got to stop that. The woman's going to have a heart attack because of you one day. She already passes out when you say you're on a private jet to England."

"Would you like to go there?" I frowned at him, and he sighed. "Fine, I'll finish my work." He glanced at the clock, and the phone rang again. As he traveled upstairs he said, "Tell her I'm still in England, and editors aren't welcome in my paradise."

"Are you kidding me?!" I asked, noticing the house phone went silent. My phone began to ring next, and I tossed it on the other couch. After several moments of ignoring Aikawa-san, I went over to the counter and took one depression pill, which also said it handled the bipolar disorder, anxiety and paranoia too. "Take one daily," I read. "All four of these work in one pill?" Doubtful. I smell a placebo.

It didn't help my hallucinations though, not that I told the psychologist that I had them but after about thirty minutes, I didn't really see any of the stuff I had been seeing before. Whenever I heard a voice in my head I ignored it, instead of answering back.

I looked at the clock and noticed that it was two in the afternoon. I had a while before I would be tired.

Walking upstairs, and towards Usagi-san's closed office door, I intended to ask him about his father and brother, but when I lifted my hand, I hesitated. This was the same man who let me stay here without an ounce of pay, for as long as I wanted.

It was none of my business, and the hand that I had near the door lowered so it was by my side.

I walked away and stepped into his bear room. The ribbons were so messy that if you put a guy with OCD in there, he'd convulse. Huffing, I walked over to the first bear, untied his ribbon, and retied it properly. I did this for every stuffed animal until the process was complete.

"Better," I said, exiting the room and shutting the door. I stretched and yawned. "What to do now…?" There was a shirt on the floor, at the end of the hallway. It wasn't mine. I grumbled and picked it up. "Hasn't that man ever heard of a hamper?"

I checked his room and saw several more of his clothes on the floor. It was starting to bug me. I squinted at his toys, and wiped his nearby helicopter with my finger. "Needs to be dusted," I murmured. "Why doesn't this guy hire a maid?" It was obvious that he couldn't live on his own, this coming from a teenage boy who sucked in the cleaning department too. You know it's bad when _I _say it's bad.

After I had dusted, I took all the laundry to the wash room, tossed them all in the machine, poured a lot of detergent in it, and then started it up. Once I had finished the dishes, and returned to the laundry room, I noticed that washing clothes didn't go as planned.

Nothing I ever tried did.

"Crap!" I shouted, watching the suds overflow from the machine and spill to the floor. "Oh no… no-no-no-no-no…!" When I turned to go get some towels, I slipped into the sea of bubbles. "This is just great, just frickin great," I muttered, rubbing my sensitive behind. My back was now killing me, and I'd be feeling it for days. "Okay, I gotta find the washing machine." It was difficult to see with all the suds burning my eyes.

"Misaki," Usagi-san called me from another room. "Where are you?"

"Double crap," I whispered. I said nothing but the door was heard opening. I stared up to see Usagi-san's blurred figure and he knelt into the sea of bubbles, sitting beside me. Who does that?

"Your clothes are going to get soaked," I told him with a grumble. Mine were too.

He chuckled. "I don't mind, not when I'm with Misaki." He lifted my chin with his index finger. "Your eyes are red."

"There's laundry detergent in them. We are in a sea of bubbles…"

He finally regarded that fact and blinked. "Oh, you went overboard on the detergent then?"

I sighed and pointed towards where I thought the washing machine was. "I thought I'd help out with your laundry and do some cleaning, since you offered me a place to stay and all… Quit looking at me like that. I'm just returning the damn favor."

He made a hum noise and rubbed his chin. "Did you at least sort the whites from the colors? I made that mistake once, which is why I send my things out for dry cleaning now."

I face palmed. "Oops." I had forgotten that tiny detail.

He ruffled my wet hair and grinned. "Let's find the off button before I do something erotic to you. Your pout's cute, and the thought of being near a wet Misaki is enticing." He was the world's biggest pervert… even if he was my pervert. My pervert who didn't know what I was capable of…

* * *

It was a nice feeling, sitting on the floor while Usagi-san sat in a chair and dried my hair with a towel. It released a lot of tension I had, especially after ruining his laundry. "I'm not mad," he spoke up. "Just so you know."

I hated that we could read each other so well. "Are you sure?"

His hands stopped moving the towel on my head and he leaned down, touching his cheek against mine. "I could never be angry with you, Misaki." He attempted to kiss me, but I turned so that he ended up placing it on my cheek instead. "One day you'll kiss me."

I scoffed and muttered, "Only in your dreams."

"And in my BL novels," he added.

The front door was pushed open with such a force that it made me jump a little. Usagi-san rubbed my shoulders and gave Aikawa-san a lidded gaze. "You're here," he said, sounding impassive. The rub down I was getting made me fight the urge to purr.

"And you look like hell," I told her with a shrug. I waved my hand. "No offense."

She pointed at Usagi-san with her broken finger nail. What happened there? "YOU…!" Her lips quivered and she fell to her knees, clutching her head. I don't think I've ever seen her _not_ shout about where the hell the manuscript was. She was speechless. It scared me more than her shouting.

I stood, went over to her, and knelt. "Aikawa-san, cheer up. You know this wouldn't be the first time he's missed a deadline. He's always late." When Usagi-san scoffed, I glared at him. Aikawa-san hugged me and began to wail. I grimaced from the contact and tried to peel her off. "Aikawa-san…" When she wouldn't move I glanced at where Usagi-san _should_ have been and heard the door to his office shut. He was fast. "Damn man leaving me here with a crier…."

"I _do_ look like hell!" she cried. Yep.

She released me and combed her hand through her hair. When some of it fell out, we both shrieked. I scooted away, only for her to tear up uncontrollably and crawl over to me again. I wasn't suited for comforting, especially not for situations like this, but I didn't want Aikawa-san upset. She was nice to me, and the food she brought was kickass.

I carefully patted her shoulder. "Eh, Aikawa-san–" Usagi-san silenced us by placing the manuscript between our faces. Yet again, his speed amazed me. I think he secretly cared if the woman was upset too, even if he always scowled at her. I mean she's got a house key to get to him like this, but also because he trusted her. You have to like people you trust, or at least you should.

"Y–You finished it?" I asked.

"You finished it!" she shouted with joy.

He nodded. "I only had twenty three more pages to write earlier, but yes, it's finished."

Aikawa-san grabbed her bible and hurried over to the couch. Her patch of hair that fell out was long forgotten, and she began editing the manuscript. I rose to my feet and peered up at Usagi-san. "How?" was the only question that I could produce.

He winked, kissed my cheek, and went to sit on the opposite couch. Between you and me, that wink and kiss made me see the light. You know, the one where people are about to die on the hospital beds or near death experiences…

I wanted to smile, and for a while I did, even when he glanced at me. I wanted Usagi-san. I wanted that smile to be only reserved for me, those touches and kisses to be only mine. But would he want to be with me if I told him how everything went down? If I told him how I murdered them? He knew about the rape incidents in prison, but not the things that occurred in between…

My smile faded and I shook my head. No, no he wouldn't.

The house phone rang and I answered it. "Hello?"

"Misaki," a familiar voice called me. I knew this voice, but… should I answer them? "Misaki, I know you're there." Oh no… "Misaki, answer me." If I took a gun and blew my brains out right now, would Usagi-san ever forgive me? He'd probably welcome it after I told him who was on the other line, because so much shit was about to go down. I knew who it was, but Usagi-san didn't. He didn't know all about_ him_ just yet. I had been hoping to keep his identity a secret, but now…

* * *

**A/N: That's all for now folks. Guest replies are below! **

**Guest:** *Happy claps* Yay another fan! *punches the air excitedly* I do that same squeal when I watch the anime. Thanks! And I will! ;)

**Misses Tsundere:** Lol your English is fine. The socks are used as a gag to control the vocal level of screams from the victim, since prisoners don't have duct tape and knife threatening is not always effective… heh-heh. ;) And my names Kacey, but Kace or Kay is fine. My age is eighteen. I just didn't put it on my profile because I like to be difficult. To anyone's who's met me in person and asked, I always say, "A name my parents picked out," just cuz I know it irritates people lol

**Gothic tomboy:** I will write more! Thanks for reading! :)

**xxiluvicecreamxx:** Shhhhhhhh! The step by step killing of his parents will be revealed in a later chapter. ;) lol


	5. Everything I Do is For You

**Replies to guest reviews:**

**Guest****: **Lol I think I can. I did write it after all... *whistles* And it's not that serious okay? Please calm down. No need to yell at me. Use your indoor voice –er typing. ;) I absolutely love that you're psyched about the story though. Your energy made my day. Thanks for commenting! :)

**Misses Tsundere****:** God-author…? I'd be too scared that God would strike me down to take that title, but Kay-sama sounds awesome lol You got to go to Berlin?! Ah! I envy you! I have never been outside United damn States DX Congrats! :) And I will continue writing so you can stand up again lol Thanks for reviewing.

**Brina:** You my dear friend are in luck, because here it is! Thanks for reviewing! :)

* * *

**Misaki**

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Meet me outside in ten minutes. I've got something important to talk to you about."

I scoffed, and felt Usagi-san's eyes on me. I kept my focus on the wall and nervously twisted my finger around the phone cord. "You can't tell me on the phone?"

"You're living with that famous author now right? I doubt you want to show any fear around him. It won't take long, but I know you're going to need to take a walk to clear your head afterwards."

"Fine." I hung up, turned, and came face to face with Usagi-san. "What?"

He crossed his arms and his eyebrow lifted. "Who was that?"

"None of your business." I tried to maneuver around him to get to the door, but he grabbed me. Not one to be outdone, I yanked my arm free from him and walked outside, shuffling into my jacket in the process. He followed after me, calling me, but when I reached the elevator doors, I spun around and placed my hand on his chest, not meeting his gaze out of cowardice. "Don't." My voice was low and threatening.

I knew that I was hurting him, but I just couldn't… He didn't need to know just yet. "Misaki–"

"Damn it, Usagi-san." I huffed. "Why can't you just trust me?"

His body tensed, and I lowered my hand. "I… I do trust you, Misaki."

"So much that I can't walk outside by myself," I murmured.

He shook his head. "Stop being so difficult about this. Just tell me where you're going."

"That's none of your business," I hissed.

Those violet eyes started faltering again when I glanced up. He was getting pissed. "You live with me. I love you. It_ is_ my business." Well la-di-frickin-da… How could he use the word love so loosely around me? One thing was certain…

This was tiring.

"So what? I have to tell you everything I do and think now because you_ love _me?" I practically spat the words out to him.

"Yes."

I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Control freak much?" He most certainly was.

"I'm only asking because I care about you," he snapped.

I care about you too idiot! That's why you can't know… "Stay the fuck out of it," I warned.

"Don't talk to me like that," he told me back, gripping my arm.

I attempted to tug free, but he wouldn't let go. "I have somewhere I need to be."

"We'll go together."

"You're acting just like him! Shit, just let of me Usami-sensei!"

His hand dropped and his head lowered so that I couldn't see those violet eyes that I loved. "So we're back to sensei now?" he asked in a whisper. _Usagi-san…_

I scratched my head, knowing how wrong I was to hurt such a perfect man. "I… I don't need this right now. I've gotta go." As I pressed the button for the elevator again, he whispered, "I love you." I didn't answer back. I just ran into the elevator and pressed the ground floor. That was a coward move, but I wasn't ready. I just wasn't.

Once I stepped outside, I saw a guy in his early twenties wearing a gray sweatshirt and baggy pants standing in the lobby. He looked exactly the same as he did when I had last seen him, in prison. Same dark hair, same scars, same slender physique. His brown eyes even had that zombie quality about them. He noticed me and began walking outside. I kept my hands in my pockets and followed him, at least ten paces behind. When we had reached the streets, we went to the park and sat on a bench.

"Never thought you'd be living there," he said to me.

I kept my tone reserved. "What do you want, Katsu?"

Katsu had been a person that was always on neutral terms with me. When I was first placed in prison, we met days later, during our one hour break. He was in the same position as me, bent over and taking it out of the ass, or sprawled on his back and pleading to stop. Hell one time we even fucked each other just to see if it was supposed to hurt as much as _he_ made it hurt. It didn't. We used methods that helped ease the penetration and I'll even admit that it felt soothing. It was the only way we escaped that place, being with each other. After all this time, I'd never considered myself gay for him or anything, just someone who was needed at the time, like he needed me. Maybe one day I can look back and consider him a friend, but for now he'd always be my neutral familiar, a lunch table buddy.

We watched some kids passing by, looking so carefree, the opposite of us, all worried and anxious. Katsu took that as the time to speak. "I… I heard they let him out of prison," he said. "Raiden I mean." How could he speak his name so easily? That name that belonged to that same man that had brutally raped me, and Katsu, and others, so many times?

I should have been more surprised that a man as ruthless as Raiden was released but I wasn't. I hummed in reply, shrugging. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well look… shit, just come with me." He grabbed my hand and led me into a part of the forest where we were all alone, surrounding by trees. He lifted his sweatshirt, and pulled it over his head, taking it off completely to reveal his damaged body. "His sidekick visited me last week, Nori. He told me that he was looking for you. After he asked me where you were, I lied and said I didn't know."

"Katsu," I said with a frown.

"They beat me to pulp and I woke up a day later in my apartment. It took me three days to get the will to leave. I've been dodging them ever since. The cops didn't help at all, saying call whenever I get attacked. I'd have been dead by then and they've been following me ever since that day, and tracking my phone, but you know I can hack any system too."

"Where are they now?"

"On their way to Osaka," he said with a smug smirk. "They think I'm there. My cell phones there, or at least its signal is rigged for there."

I smiled a little at that. He hacked into the prison system not long ago, earning me my freedom by replacing my files and granting me parole, even though he didn't have time to find his files that day. "I'm glad you're okay," I admitted.

We actually shared a hug, not a lusting hug, but the kind that family or friends gave each other when they were in need of one. It was desperate, pleading. It was safe, but not the same kind as it had been when I hugged Usagi-san... _Usagi-san…_

When I released him, I asked, "Are you staying here? Do you need a place to stay? How'd you get out?"

He silenced me by lifting his hand and putting his clothing back on. "I actually got off for good behavior, without any hacking." Mirth was in his voice, in his smirk.

That made me smile a bit, but the frown soon followed. "Katsu, where are you staying? Are you going to be alright?"

He shrugged. "Don't worry about me. I just stopped by to make sure you knew what you were up against, who you were up against. After all we've been through together, I owe you that much."

"I owe you too," I murmured.

He scoffed and ruffled my hair. "Don't give me that sappy shit, Misaki. Don't go soft. Right now, you need to worry about yourself. You need to be manipulative, ruthless, and cold, because this time, when I leave, we can't meet again." He seemed depressed by that fact. "I can't be there for you if he tries anything, Misaki. I can't help you anymore against Raiden."

I nodded and he squeezed my hand. "But you've got that guy to take care of you now," he said, with a hint of happiness in his tone. I peered up to see him grinning. "It's okay. Raiden doesn't know about him, or your family, but please make sure you don't wander to the northern part of Japan. He's got friends at every corner there."

"I won't."

Once he let go of my hand, he started walking away, like we had never spoken before. This was the final rendezvous, our final farewell. Katsu was leaving. He was _leaving_.

"Katsu," I called him, but kept my gaze on the ground. My fists curled and a few tears poured from my eyes. "Be safe." It was my way of saying goodbye and thank you to the man that had helped me escape from that hell hole. It was the only thing I could say. Where he was off to was unknown, just like his thoughts.

"I love you too, Misaki." I snapped my head up to see his retreating form while I whipped my eyes. I was partially crying because I'd never see him again, someone who could have been an older brother to me in another life, or a best friend, but at the same time I was crying because Katsu made it. He got out.

Katsu was free.

* * *

The walk back to Usagi-san's place was a bittersweet one, filled worry, happiness and fear. Raiden was out of prison, and he was searching for me. What would I do if he found me? Or his lackey Nori? They were after me, and I didn't want Usagi-san, or my brother to get hurt.

My steps slowed and I seated myself on a bench. I had myself a good cry, knowing that I needed to tell Usagi-san what was happening, but…

"My fault," I whispered between sniffles. It was, it _always_ was… I hunched forward and placed my face in my palms, but after hearing someone approach me, I jerked my head up to see a demon in disguise, Haruhiko.

"What do you want?" I asked him, but the emptiness of my voice was replaced with a frail sound, frail and hoarse.

He sat down beside me and folded his arms. "Do you need some help?"

I furrowed my brows. Was he being serious? I didn't have time for mind games. "Are you… Are you playing me?"

He shook his head. "Do you need that man taken care of, Yamoto Raiden?" Duh.

"How can you help?"

"I have my ways, Misaki," he said. Funny, I'd never told him my name before, or my shady past. I stood and began walking away, but he grabbed my wrist. Don't Usami's know anything about personal space?

I turned as he was standing. "Let go."

"I can get rid of him for you," he tried again. "Just say the word."

"Why?"

"Because I love you." Oh great. The Usami's have Misaki syndrome.

I face palmed. "Forget this conversation." I pulled away from him and started pacing home. He followed me like a puppy, arguing with me the entire time. In truth, on any other day, I would have enjoyed having someone as stiff as him to argue with about crap, but given the situation, and what we were arguing about, no… just no.

When we reached the hotel lobby, he stepped in front of me. "Akihiko doesn't know does he?"

"That's none of your business." No he doesn't know. I'd like to keep it that way.

He made a grunt noise. "Perhaps you're right, but could you ever forgive yourself if something happened to him after you refused my help?" Could you be any more of a shithead? …Yeah, yeah he could.

I huffed and combed my fingers through my hair. "Fine, just –What's in it for you?"

"You owe me a date," he said.

_You need to be manipulative, ruthless, and cold, because this time, when I leave, we can't meet again._

Katsu was right. I needed all the help I could get, and if it meant getting to be with Usagi-san in peace, then I didn't mind anymore. I'd do anything for that man, anything, that includes Takahiro too. But I could never betray Usagi-san like that, not with his brother… I love him too much.

As soon as I thought those words, I began to cry again. Damn I was such a crybaby today. I promised myself I wouldn't do this again!

I shook my head. "I can't believe this."

"I have your number," he said, walking away. "I'll call you if I have any leads."

"I never agreed to this," I replied, clenching my fists. I wanted so badly to punch him, but I did not want a strike added onto my record. I couldn't go back there.

He fixed his glasses and began walking off. "You didn't have to. Whether you refused or not, I was going to help. Whether you agreed or not, you owe me a date."

"Come near me again and I'll kill you," I spat. I meant it.

He scoffed. "Like you killed your parents?"

A deadly smirk played at my lips. "Yeah, just like that."

"Not exactly what I pictured when I learned the term dying for the one you love."

"Murder needs no motive," I clarified with a shrug. "You either have a reason or you don't. You either follow through or you don't. Case in point: I had a reason to kill my dad, but none to kill my mom and now they're both dead." If I could go back and change that day, I would, and somehow be able to meet Usagi-san again, through Takahiro. That'd be better than these circumstances.

"How did you accomplish that?" he asked me, never turning to face me. "I've seen the autopsy reports, so how…?"

"Planning, practicing," I said, as if this were a natural conversation. "Following their routines, their appointments… It was easy." It was _so _easy. Why would I do something like that? Even if my dad wasn't who everyone thought he was, why? Nobody deserves… No, he did. After what he was doing, he did.

"Misaki–"

"I'm leaving."

"And going where?"

"To go fuck your brother. Have a nice life." The statement stunned him and I entered the elevator with a smirk.

* * *

When I finally made it back to our –I mean Usagi-san's home, I frowned. Aikawa-san was gone, but Isaka-san was there. Just my luck…

"Shorty!" he said with a wave. "How's it going?"

"Well I'm borderline suicidal," I told him in a laidback tone, causing him to gasp and look all horrified. I loved messing with people. "But it's cool. It's life, or death. That's fine too. Where's Usagi-san?"

"Uh… he's… upstairs," he answered. I started walking up there, but stopped in the middle of the staircase after hearing him call me. "Shorty?"

I didn't turn around just yet. "What?"

"You tell me."

I scoffed and turned to see him frowning. What a knowing frown it was… "Leave. Usagi-san and I need privacy."

"Um alright…" Once he left, I checked Usagi-san's bedroom. He wasn't there. I checked his office next, and found him typing away on his computer. He looked depressed.

I think I broke him...

I'm _such_ a little shit. Excuse my mouth today. But I'm fluent in the language of non-filtering.

I swallowed and paced over to him, touching his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to–"

"You don't have to tell me everything," was his clipped reply. "It's your business, not mine." Oh, you get it now?

My hand retreated and I started to walk away. "I'm only doing it to protect you," I said to myself. In an instant, he pulled me into his lap with his arms around my waist while he continued to type. He still looked pissed, but he wanted me near him at least. I was sitting sideways, so that I could see his face while he typed. Yep, he was still pissed.

"Do you hate me?" he asked after a while.

Seriously, how could I? "How could you think that?"

"I love you."

"Usagi-san–"

"I love you, Misaki."

I couldn't say it back just yet. This whole situation didn't feel right. It was grim, and rage was in the room. "I lo… I met an old inmate from prison today." His fingers stopped typing momentarily, but he wouldn't look at me. "He wasn't one of the guys that hurt me. He just wanted to make sure I was okay. I –I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think you'd let me go outside." That was partially true, minus the whole Raiden bit.

"I see…" His face seemed saddened when he sighed. "I'm sorry for not trusting you."

And knowing that he felt guilty about the whole situation made me feel like trash. My hand began to shake, and he stopped typing when he noticed. "Misaki…?" His hand, that damned hand, touched me, my cheek. I closed my eyes when his breath touched my skin. "Misaki, what's wrong?"

In a slow, timid move, I opened my eyes and leaned forward, kissing him. Every nerve in my body was acting up, but I knew that I needed this, we needed this. I let our tongues swipe at each other for a moment before I whispered, "Everything I do, it's for you, okay? I need you to know that, Usagi-san."

"I know that now, Misaki," he said. I rested my head on his shoulder after giving him one last peck, and stayed with him until he finished typing.

I was scared for the both of us, scared of Raiden coming here or to Takahiro's house, but I didn't want Usagi-san to know. This was something that I had to take care of, without him getting involved. He would do something stupid if he was.

I could handle this… I could… _I hope._

I fought back tears and peered up at him, seeing his intensity while he typed. He was a dream that I didn't want hurt or involved in my past at all. I only wanted him involved in my good memories, not my bad. I loved him. He was mine and nobody else's. He was, and would always be, _my_ _Usagi-san, _and no one was taking him away from me, no one.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, took longer than I thought to update, but yeah. Review if you have a soul and are not a robot. ;P Or don't review and think about reviewing, that works fine too. At least you're thinking about the story XD p.s. thanks for the favs and alerts!  
**


	6. Oh, You Know I Love You

**A/N: Hey ya'll! *waves animatedly* Guest review replies are below! Read on if you dare. O_o I was in the mood for fluffy cuteness when I wrote this, but then eh…yeah lol.**

* * *

Misaki

"It's lopsided," I told him.

Usagi-san frowned. God that pout was incredible. "It's perfect." You're perfect.

"It's lopsided," I repeated. The snowman was literally falling over. Perfection, it wasn't.

He huffed and folded his arms. "Well I like it." He was such a baby sometimes.

I cracked a small smirk. "I never said I didn't, Usagi-san." I looked away when he snapped his head at me, releasing a barely audible gasp. His stare was making me nervous, so I kicked some snow at him. "Don't look at me like that." I shoved my gloved hands in my coat pockets. "So, what do you want to name him?"

"Sato," he said with a proud smile. "The most common name."

I fixed the nose on Sato and nodded. "You remembered."

"I remember everything you tell me, Misaki." I wished he didn't. I've been living with this man for a total of nearly a year, and during that time he waited. He still has, but we've been getting better at things. For instance, well _this_…

"Come on," I said, taking his hand and walking back towards the sidewalk. "I'm starving."

"Are you sure…?" He was referring to our joined palms.

I nodded and squeezed tighter while we walked. "Yeah."

"Is that your boyfriend?" a teenage girl asked us. Her attitude reminded me of Aikawa-san. Nosey.

I waved my free hand at her as we passed. "Soon to be," I said in an offhanded voice. She cooed and rushed to go tell her friends. Weirdo.

During the walk home, Usagi-san seemed to radiate happiness, probably because of what I had told that girl earlier. I enjoyed seeing his smile. It was perfection… Oh gag. Why do I keep saying that word? _Perfection_? Seriously this man didn't know how bad I had it for him. Everything he did now made my body want to pounce him.

* * *

When we arrived home about twenty minutes later, I tossed my jacket off, slipped off my shoes, and went over to the kitchen. I pushed up my sleeves, and began washing my hands, already prepared to make a dinner that Takahiro's girlfriend showed me how to make the other day, but Usagi-san stopped me by spooning me and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"What's wrong old man?" I asked, peering over at him.

His hands roamed my sides, gently rubbing them up and down. "Can I help?"

I smirked. "Sure, at least if I screw this up I'll have someone to blame." Unlike last time.

* * *

We were doing fine with the roast in the stove, and the vegetables boiling on top, and even I had Usagi-san cutting potatoes, but as I was chopping up onions, and trying to hold back tears, something in the microwave exploded. "The hell?" I asked no one in particular. When I opened it, there was glass everywhere, and several cracks in the interior of the microwave, along with food stains. I frowned and glanced at the perpetrator. "You were supposed to use a microwave _safe_ plate. I'm sure I told you this—Don't look so nonchalant! I have to clean this!"

He titled his head and smiled, like he loved making me pissed. "Why's that Misaki?"

I shrugged and combed my hand through my hair. "I'm better at it than you—but even if you did clean up then I'd still have to come behind you and clean—because you can't clean for shit—God it's like cleaning up after a two year old—why are you staring at me like that?"

"You're babbling," he stated, wiping his eyes. "It's rare." The onions were getting to us.

I blushed and looked away. "Whatever."

"It's cute." He went back to chopping his potatoes, albeit clumsily, and I observed him for a moment. The smile he had was enough to make my face heat up again, just knowing that he was thinking about me. "You know you start college next week. How do you feel?"

"Excited," I admitted. My inner me was clapping myself on the back. "I can't believe I got into that school… thanks."

"That was all you, Misaki." Liar. You know if this man hadn't helped me study for my GED test and entrance exams, I wouldn't be going to that school? He was a god send—No he was a God.

It was my turn to spoon him, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pushing my head underneath his arm so that I could see his face, since he was_ way_ taller than me. I tried smiling for once, and whispered, "Thank you."

He waited a whole three seconds before he turned and his tongue attacked me, and in no time at all, he had lifted me onto the counter, feeling up my thighs while he devoured me. I touched chest, since I was comfortable enough to do so, and made an effortless attempt to unbutton his shirt. I didn't want to rip it off, and give the idea that I wanted 'all things rough.' No, I wanted sensual, slow and intimate, _savoring_.

I decided since he was letting me lead our usual make out session, that I should take it up a notch. Why did he look so flawlessly photoshopped? My hands roamed his well-crafted abdomen, memorizing ever muscle, and arch, he had. This made him moan in our kiss, and when I heard that noise, a low groan of my own was produced, arguing against his while his hands slid up to the rim of my jeans.

His mouth lowered to my chin, and when it reached my neck, he finally opened his eyes and brought his head level with mine. I was blushing, and panting, and I think even whimpering at the loss of contact, but he simply touched my cheek, and kissed my forehead. I would have actually begged for more today, but the sound of my cell phone ringing made us both swear and roll our eyes.

Usagi-san composed himself, reached into my pocket, and grabbed it, answering it for me. "Hello? Oh, Takahiro! He's busy cooking for me right now." I rolled my eyes again, frustrated. One of these days I should blurt out 'we're busy screwing! Call back never!' That'd make my day. I smirked at the thought, and when he noticed, he ruffled my hair and kissed my cheek.

"I'll let him know. Alright. Bye." He hung up and slipped my phone back into my pocket, grinning.

I lifted a curious brow. "What?"

"Just what were you daydreaming about?" he purred, cupping my face in his firm, yet somehow gentle calluses.

My face became heated. "You know what."

"Do you want to try?"

I lowered my gaze and folded y arms. "No," I muttered.

"You seemed so eager before," he stated, going over to the other counter to clean up the space. He wasn't doing a very good job, but I appreciated the effort. I inwardly fumed at myself. By rejecting him again, I let him down. "Don't get upset. It's not your fault."

How could he always know what I was thinking? Was I that frickin easy to read? —Don't answer that! For the love of my remaining sanity, don't you dare.

"Usagi-san… are we dating?"

The question threw him off, but only for a moment. I hadn't meant to sound so child-like when I said it. It just came out that way. He turned and leaned against the counter, eyeing me with that unreadable gaze of his. "Would it scare you if I said yes?" Good question, but you still didn't answer mine.

I focused on anything but his eyes, fiddling with my fingers. "No—well a little but—_are_ we?"

He nodded. "Yes."

I started kicking my feet in the air absently, gazing at him through my lashes and bangs. "How come it took me so long to notice?"

"Because you were with me," he stated in a superior tone, to which I scoffed. "It's hard to notice a lot of things when I'm around." That was true. "You worship me." That was…partially true. Bastard.

"You want a slit throat?" I asked, teasing him.

He smirked. "As long as you're the one doing it, then I don't mind. Anything for Misaki."

"You sound like your brother," I blurted out, swearing and jumping off the counter when I had.

"My brother? Haruhiko?!" he called after me.

"Is there any other creepy stalker that we know of?" I asked, heading to the stairs. Besides Raiden…

"Misaki—"

"I'm sorry," I said, turning to glance at him. "We just talked after he spied on me and my friend that day. I told you about my friend from prison?" He nodded. "I promise that's all we did. I even threatened to kill him if he contacted me again." I left the Raiden detail out.

"Why didn't you bring him up when I asked you where you were the first time?" He made his way over to me, concerned.

I shrugged. "I didn't want you to worry. I am capable of taking care of myself." You better learn to trust me more, old man.

"I know you are." When I scoffed again, he touched my shoulders. "You always put others before yourself." He smacked my head, like I was a toddler getting popped on the hand. "Stop that. Be selfish for once." He kissed the spot before I could disagree with him. "I'm not losing you, Misaki. I can't."

"I'm not leaving," I said in a bland tone. I scratched my head, feeling lightheaded and nauseous. "Eh, this is beginning to sound like those cheesy soap-operas." I glanced around. "Fabio, where for art thou?"

He chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Misaki."

I lightly punched him in the arm. "Quit it."

"You love it." Duh.

* * *

The next day, Usagi-san and I went to another therapy session. It was easy to talk to Mrs. Sakura now, like she was more of a friend than a therapist. This time, though, I allowed Usagi-san to stay with me the entire time.

"So how are you feeling?" she asked me. A knowing smile lingered on her lips while she glanced back and forth between me and Usagi-san.

"Great," I admitted. "I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life right now."

Instead of jotting that down, her smile widened. "I'm glad." I knew she meant it. She wasn't like those other bullshit doctors. She told it like it was, and on my depressed days, she felt like a mother more than anything, forcing me to ignore that crappy feeling and focus on the here and now. "So what do you want to talk about today?"

"You're asking _me_?" I asked, surprised.

"This time yes. If you're comfortable enough to bring your—"

"Boyfriend," I said with a shrug. I didn't miss the way both of their faces lighted up.

She jotted it down and cleared her throat. "Well if you're comfortable enough to have your boyfriend here, then I figured you'd like to start off the conversation today."

"What—what do I say?"

"Anything you want. It's your session, and we have a whole hour to talk. If you need more time when it's over, just let me know. I'm free the rest of the afternoon."

I glanced at Usagi-san, who was giving me an encouraging look. "Okay, well um…" I scratched my head. This would be difficult. I wanted to talk to him about Raiden, but... "What's your opinion on secrets?" I asked her. I kept my gaze only on her, but I knew Usagi-san was eyeing me. "Should you tell secrets just because you trust that person? Or should you keep it to yourself?"

She fixed her glasses. "It depends. Is the secret pleasant or not? How threatening is it to the person that knows this secret? And how threatening is it to the person that doesn't?"

"Quite threatening," I said. "What if it was life and death?"

"Then I'd say tell your friend, because keeping something like that bottled up won't do either of you any good. Got a secret have you?"

I leaned over and rested my chin on my knuckles, staring at Usagi-san. Right then, I knew. I couldn't tell him. "I…" Chicken shit is what I was… It made me wonder why Usagi-san even wasted his time with me. It was obvious that I couldn't say I loved him back, and that I had so many things I could never tell him. So why did he keep me around? "Why do you love me?" I asked in a low voice. I hadn't meant to voice that out loud.

"What?"

"You heard me. Why do you love me?"

"Because you're you."

I sighed and gazed at the floor. "That's not good enough. That's like saying..." I huffed. "You know I'm a murderer right?"

He touched my shoulder, but I refused to look up. "Misaki, I love you."

"But why? I'm not—Don't you _know_ what I did?!"

They both tensed, but Usagi-san shook his head. "I don't care."

"You should," I stated. "It was gruesome."

"What was?" Dr. Sakura asked.

"How I killed them," I said, burning my gaze into Usagi-san's. "I murdered them."

He shook his head again. "I don't care." He really wanted to see me cry again.

"You should," I whispered, and my voice cracked.

His thumb brushed against my cheek, and I realized that he was wiping a tear away. "I don't care."

"Why though?"

He tugged me closer to him, cradling me while I peered up at him. "Why does there have to be a _why_? Can't I love you for you?"

"But I don't know who I am. I'm—I'm scared."

He smiled. "Remember what I told you at the restaurant?" I nodded. "That applies to my love. I don't care if you want to be a different person every day of the year, I'll still love you because you're my Misaki." He kissed a tear out of my eye and I tried my best to smile.

* * *

When the session was over we walked to the car and climbed inside. "I have something for you," he said, reaching in the back seat. He grabbed a package and handed it to me. "I know you don't want to talk about what happened with your parents or the prison, so I thought…"

I opened it to find a black journal. It was thick and looked expensive. It even had an engraving on it: Misaki's Escape. The pen it came with was gold and beautiful. What was really cool about the whole thing was the abundant chains in the box that came with one sturdy lock and key.

"I won't read it," he assured me. "The chains are the backup guarantee. When you finish, just wrap it around from all sides and lock it." He placed the necklace around my neck and I touched the key. "Keep the key around your neck at all times."

"This had to be expensive," I said, frowning. The pen and journal weighed a lot. I shit you not. No book had even been this huge since the frickin Hobbit and Lord of the rings. They made journals this big?!

"I wanted the best for Misaki."

I face palmed and laughed, a genuine laugh. "T—Thank you," I said. "You're really weird."

"You love it."

"I do," I admitted in a serious voice, dropping my hand. So much it scared me. Holy crap. An indirect I love you. Well maybe I could say it.

The way he blushed made me smirk, even if I was redder than he was. I won this round. As he started the car, I leaned over and pressed my lips against his cheek. "Drive to the park. I want to go for a walk."

"O—Okay," he stuttered. Tomorrow, we should do something he wanted. I wanted to please him as much as he wanted to please me.

About twenty minutes later, we arrived, he parked, and we took a nice stroll, hand in hand. I liked it, loved it even. The feeling of being together with him was—moving on.

It wasn't until we had walked for another thirty minutes that something felt off. I could feel eyes on me, but whenever I glanced behind me, no one was there. Must have just been my imagination. Yeah, it had to be.

"Ah, Hiroki!" Usagi-san called a man. He was walking by himself, hands in his pockets, and glaring at nothing in particular. His hair was brown and so were his eyes. He reminded me of what I might look like in few years if I didn't get laid soon, pissed off at everything living, even the poor plants, even the cute kid and puppy that shied away as he passed.

And here I thought I had issues.

He waved dismissively once he neared us. "Akihiko, who's your friend?" He did _not_ look excited to see me.

"Boyfriend," he corrected. "This is Misaki. He'll be starting college soon. Are you looking for someone?"

"Yes." He glanced at me, uninterested. Well two could play that game, sir. "Which university?"

"Yours," Usagi-san answered. Oh great.

His eye twitched, but I held my firm gaze and posture too. "Congrats?"

I shrugged and glanced behind him, grinning as I lifted my finger. "That your boyfriend, teach?" A man with dark hair and blue eyes was approaching. "He's hot. Congrats."

Usagi-san blushed at my bold outburst and snapped his head at me. "Misaki."

I shrugged and rolled my eyes. "Oh, you know I love you." I didn't miss the way he stopped breathing, grinning at me like I was his savior.

I said it. Holy shit. I said it.

"Thanks," Hiroki muttered, but blushed when he realized what I said about his boyfriend. He shot Usagi-san a look. "Is he always so…?"

"Blunt? Yes," he answered with a smirk. He seemed out of it, a spontaneous high.

"Ah, is this Akihiko?" the blue-eyed man asked as he walked up to us. He extended his hand to us both. "I'm Nowaki. It's nice to meet you. Hiro-san talks about you all the time." Funny, Usagi-san never mentioned Hiroki. I frowned and shared a glare with Hiroki. Not the conversation I wanted to hear.

"This is Misaki. He may be one of my students this year," Hiroki said. Loved his enthusiasm, seriously.

"Nice to meet you too," Nowaki said. "Where are you both headed?"

"Just going for a walk," Usagi-san said.

"Have you talked to…?" Hiroki asked. I tuned him out while he and Usagi-san began to converse.

Feeling eyes on me, I turned and glanced behind me. Someone was there. I_ had_ seen someone. That figure in black couldn't have been my imagination. Nowaki stood beside me while Hiroki and Usagi-san chatted animatedly.

"Something wrong?" Nowaki asked in a whisper.

I shrugged and narrowed my eyes at the spot the person had just been on. "Dunno."

He pulled out his phone and handed it to me. "Type your number in here."

I took it and peered up at him. "Why?"

"You look like you need a friend," he admitted with a peaceful smile. "Or at least someone different to talk to every now and then."

Not wanting to upset the hot, blue-eyed man, who made me feel like I took a strong case of weed whenever he talked so calmly, I typed my number in. "Here," I mumbled. "Don't expect to hear my life story."

He chuckled. "I won't, but that was easier than I thought. Why is that?" He was like Takahiro, but a relaxed happy, not an over bubbly one.

I shrugged again. "Usagi-san says I need more friends. He says I look lonely sometimes and he knows I need other people besides him to talk to."

Nowaki looked thoughtful. "I see. Do you love him?" Hell yes.

"Do you love Hiroki?"

"With all my heart," he stated. He tilted his head, studying me. "It's okay to say it."

I grumbled. "Maybe someday."

* * *

Arriving home hours later had me relieved. The first thing Usagi-san did was go to his room and finish his manuscript. I went to my room and locked the door behind me, laying on the bed with my journal and pen at the ready.

_Entry 1,_

_It started out like a regular morning. Takahiro wasn't up yet, but I'd been up since the crack of dawn. Nightmares do that to you. My mom assured me that it was only a dream when I came screaming into our parent's room that night, but something about this one felt different. It felt like I had dreamed out the fate of the rest of my life and by the eerie feeling that lingered throughout the house when my dad entered the kitchen that morning, I knew I'd been correct. The look he had was grim, even though he smiled and ruffled my hair, pretending he was fine. Liar. He was hiding something. _

_Mom sensed it too. I could tell by the wrinkles on her forehead and the way her once beautiful, refreshed face looked so tired and aged. The only thing that made my day that morning was hearing my big brother burst through the kitchen with a grin that could trigger a thousand smiles, and say, "Ohayou."_

_He walked me to school, like he always did, and before we left I'll never forget the look my mother gave me. She was so miserable. Dad was so depressed. To normal eyes the house looked pleasant, and any stranger would welcome the idea of visiting, but if you lived here like I did, you'd see and feel the tension biting at you until you're ready to snap, until you crave to flee. So those walks to school, and the time at school, is what I cherished. The time walking from school and entering our home again was a time I dreaded._

_But no one told me why it was so that day, why everyone was pretending to love each other, when there was so much hatred in the room coming from all sides. Takahiro wouldn't tell me anything, but when I got home from school one evening, I heard more than I should have. I saw more than I should have. I didn't understand how dad could do that. I didn't understand how mom allowed it. Takahiro was out of our three-way secret. It was a secret kept just between the three of us, one that condemned me for the rest of my existence…_

_End Entry_

I couldn't find it in myself to write out the rest of that day, or the days after that I plotted against my parents. I couldn't write it yet, not yet. Sighing, I closed the journal, picked up the chains, and wrapped them around the book. I chuckled lightly at the idea of literally chaining up a book like this. Only Usagi-san would do something so out there instead of buying a standard lock and key. Once I fastened the steel lock on it, I touched the key, which was hanging from my neck. When I opened that book again, I'd have to relieve day two, and three, and four...

* * *

**A/N: Well, the journal entries will be the root of all Misaki's secrets, and the only ones who get to read it are you. (Poor Usagi-san DX won't get to know) Hoped you liked it! ;3 Thanks for the reviews, favs, and alerts sweet ladies and gents!**

**Kat:** Aw, I made your day? Well your review works both ways (: Mine's been made too! Thanks!

**Eri:** I love them too! And I can guarantee you I'm continuing this story! :3

**Misses Tsundre:** Seriously? I thought you went on a vacation outside the US or something. Sorry that was my dumb moment for assuming. You know what they say about people who assume. XD America's boring if you've lived here all your life lol, and I guess that must be vice versa to people from other countries. XD I've always wanted to go overseas though, but alas, I've been too broke to go. Pity. But on the bright side, I've updated! Be happy again! And thanks for the cookie!

**Guest:** …THANK YOU! *Gives you big hug* I had hoped it was dramatic without being all cliché lol


	7. Berserk!

**A/N: 'Lo! Me again! Don't know if I caught all of my typos. I never do. If I haven't, due alert me in any way you see fit. ;P I don't want to keep an error posted. Thank you for your time. Again, long chapter, but I like long chapters XD  
**

* * *

Misaki

"Nowaki, your boyfriend's being mean," I grumbled. I hid behind the hot man before Hiroki could hit me with another book.

Nowaki grabbed said book, from his boyfriend, A.K.A. Usagi-san's grumpy, childhood friend, professor Hiroki, effectively saving my ass. "Hiro-san, it's not nice to hit people," he chided, keeping a weary smile.

I peered around Nowaki's tall form, sticking my tongue out at him. Hiroki sighed and called me a troublesome brat under his breath, thinking I couldn't hear. I heard it perfectly. Jerk face. "What are you doing here, Nowaki?" he asked him. Saving me from the meet-me-after-class talk.

Nowaki held up a giant bento box. "I thought we could eat lunch together," he said with an adorable plea in his eyes. Oh Hiroki better keep this one.

I cleared my throat, glancing around Hiroki's office. "Well I should be going," I said. "You two play nice, or not. Whatever methods turn you on." I began to walk out of Hiroki's office.

"Have you and Akihiko been playing any?" Nowaki asked. For such a sweet guy, he was very bold.

I flushed and whirled around. "Um…?" I should really start picking younger friends. You know the ones that aren't friends with my boyfriend? It'd make sex talks easier, considering that Nowaki and Hiroki know all of our business, or in this case lack thereof. "I…" I used my thumbs to point out towards the hallway. "I gotta go."

"You better finish your essay," Hiroki told me. "Ten pages!"

"Yes Professor Satan!" I called out as I paced down the hall. Several girls eyed me with smiles, and I gave them a quick nod in response, avoiding their stares. They swooned, like I was the popular boy. Last I checked, I was the most antisocial guy here. I guess chicks liked the quiet 'I don't give a damn' types.

"You're cute," a guy told me. He wore glasses, and had a grayish-brownish hair color. His smile wasn't sincere, more like as fake as his earlier statement about me. Not to be trusted. He extended his hand for me to shake. "I'm Sumi, Keiichi. And you are?"

"About to leave if you don't cut the nice guy act," I warned. "What do you want?"

His smile faded and he sighed. "You're friends with that author yes?"

"That author is my boyfriend," I stated. Who knew coming out to others would feel so liberating? Gotta love that adrenaline rush… "Now what about him?"

He gasped and blushed, looking away. Obsessive fan is what I assumed him to be. Yep, had to be. I waved at him while I shook my head, dismissing him. "I'm leaving."

Before I could, he grabbed my arm. "Please," he begged. "I just want to see him. You know? Get an autograph and picture?" Bury him in a secret room and kill all those who are suspicious?

I shook my head and yanked my arm from him. "That's not my decision. It's his, and if you touch me again, there's going to be blood drawn." I crossed my arms. "I can guarantee you it won't be mine."

"You've got quite the temper," he retorted.

"Says the college stalker." I paced off towards the entrance, leaving him to fume, and when I made it outside, I sat on a bench and gazed up at the clouds. I hadn't cloud watched in years, ten to be exact. It was nice.

"You're not going to eat?" a woman asked me. She looked a little older than me by about two years, green eyes, black hair, and pale skin. She dressed like me, in a blue boy's jacket, loose jeans, and worn sneakers. Tomboy.

I glanced down at my bento box and shrugged. "I'm not really hungry," I admitted. I noticed her bento in her hands. "You want to sit here?"

She nodded, hesitantly though while she seated herself. Not trusting of others, like me. "I'm Oichi."

"Misaki."

She began to eat in silence, and a thought raced through my mind: I had no problem with her. I don't know whether it was her wardrobe choice, or her calming demeanor. Bottom line was that I think I was going to make a friend.

"So what are you studying?" I asked.

She glanced at me with a smile. "Do you really want to know?"

"Not really," I said. "But that's been the conversation by most of the girls who've approached me today, and I'm a bit less social than most, so that's the best I've got."

She laughed a little and nodded. "I understand. You know the quiet kid that usually sits in the back with no social skills?" I nodded and she brushed her hair behind her ear, clearly embarrassed. "Yeah, that was me in grade school, still is."

"I have a feeling it would have been me too," I said.

That caught her attention. "Would have been?"

"Yeah I've spent most of my time in ja—juvie growing up," I told her. I faked a chuckle. "Couldn't stay out of trouble." I didn't feel like scaring her. She seemed nice enough.

She shrugged and waved her hand at me. "It's fine. I've been in juvie three times. Jail once, but only for a few days. My sister bailed me out. Would have been out sooner if I hadn't tried to seduce a cop while I was under the influence."

I chuckled, and she shared a laugh with me too. I actually got an urge to eat after that, since Oichi didn't make me feel out of place. Lunch was eaten in pleasant conversation while we ranted and people watched. When it was over, we exchanged numbers and I now had six in my phone, well seven if I counted that weird girl in class today that stole it and typed her number in before I deleted it.

* * *

It was after my last class of the day, walking towards where Usagi-san's car should have been, that I felt eyes on me again. How strange. When I turned, I saw three things, Oichi, who had dropped some of her books, the Sumi bastard looking around for Usagi-san's car as well, and a person hidden in some bushes.

Keeping my cool, I paced over to Oichi, and helped her gather her things. "Thanks squirt," she told me, sounding as casual as I usually did. It was like God spit out a female me with black hair. God I loved this woman.

"Squirt?" I asked, amused. "Really now? Did you make that up all by yourself?"

"Sure did. Took me two whole seconds to make up. They were agonizing." She stood, and I noted she was about my height. "You know, you remind me of someone."

I arched my brow. "Who?"

"My little brother," she said simply. "He'd be sixteen this year." Would be…? Oh. She poked my forehead and walked by. "See you tomorrow, Misaki." For some reason, it sounded like she didn't want to leave.

"See you," I told her. I'd be sure to talk to her more tomorrow. Something told me she'd need it.

I pretended to tie my shoe after she left, glancing at the bushes with my peripheral vision. Yep, someone was there. I stood and rubbed my hands together mischievously. Berserk mode activated.

Once I was sure no one was watching, I bolted towards the bushes and tackled the stranger. I just kept punching the man in the face, while I sat on his stomach, relentlessly attacking out of fear. If he was one of Raiden's spies, I'd gladly kill someone again, just to protect Usagi-san and Takahiro. I was a fighter damn it.

"P–_Please_," the man forced out. I stopped my fists mid swing, leaving them both in the air, catching my breath before it hitched. Crap.

"_Haruhiko_?!" I scooted off him, watching him scramble to get his handkerchief to his bloody face. "You really do have a death wish," I mused, scratching my chin with my finger. I had did serious damage to his face… Cool.

He responded by nodding, and I wasn't sure he could manage to talk again by the way the blood began to pour from his mouth. I rolled his body to the side so that the fluids could leak on the grass and not in his throat, to prevent him from choking. I didn't want the idiot to die… yet.

"Mi… sa… k—ki," he whispered. His eyes, both bruised were now closed, and he was reaching for an empty space. Must have been dreaming.

I slapped his face lightly. "Hey-hey wake up. Don't faint on me now." But he passed out, murmuring my name. I huffed and took a deep breath. One side of me wanted to leave the imbecile there and let someone find him, but the other side at least wanted to let someone know he was around before I left first. Forgive me for having an ounce of a human heart.

"Haruhiko-sama," a man called. I peered over the bushes. It was the driver.

Standing, I waved him over. "Um, is this yours?"

He gasped at the sight of me, and rushed over. When he walked around the greenery, he looked like wanted to faint, either that or he was inwardly regretting his job. I voted for the latter. He knelt and tried to wake the man. "Haruhiko-sama!" he called.

"He got into an… accident," I finished. Yeah, that was the accurate word, and accident.

He looked at me with alarm. "Did you see who did it?"

"Ran off," I said casually. I honestly didn't care about this stalkers wellbeing. I've had enough stalking to last me a thousand lifetimes. He deserved it. I shouldn't have stopped hitting either.

"Can you help me get him to the car?" he asked. "His father's right over there."

Every angel in heaven was laughing at me. I just had this feeling. "Um, I don't think—"

"Please," he pleaded.

Grudgingly, I helped him carry the big oaf to the limo. When I got there, Papa stiff didn't look pleased, but all the same he smiled at me. "Misaki, thank you." Care to explain why you both decided to stalk me today asshole?

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about taking him to a hospital or something?" I hadn't meant to sound like I was ready to chomp his head off, but I was happy all the same when he flinched. Score for Misaki!

He nodded firmly. "We're taking him to our home. He's just unconscious." That's like watching someone get mugged and saying it was just a stranger saying hello. It wasn't as small as he was making it out to be. "I do wonder how he received those bruises though."

"And curiosity always killed the cat," I stated.

Before I had time to react, the bastard pulled me into the car, and put a cloth against my mouth and nose. "Drive," he told his driver.

Vapor filled my air pipes, until I blacked out. I think it was karma for what I did to stiff Jr. Yeah, had to be.

* * *

When I awoke, I was in a bed. It wasn't mine. Déjà vu sunk in, and I panicked. I fell out with a startled yelp and gazed around. The room was well furnished and I had a massive headache. I went to the door and found that it was locked.

"Son of a bitch," I hissed. I pounded on it. "Open this door!"

"I can't do that Misaki," Haruhiko said from the other side. I do wonder where Papa Stiff was, so I could kick both their asses.

I hit it again. "YOU'VE GOT THREE SECONDS TO OPEN THIS GOD DAMN DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT MYSELF!"

"Misaki—"

"THREE!" I shouted, not counting fully. I stepped back and kicked the door out with such a force that two things happened. One: It broke of it's hinges and fell to the floor into the hallway. Good right? No, because the second thing happened. Two: I think I broke my ankle.

I made a noise that was unknown to mankind while I clutched my leg and fell to the floor. The monkeys would have understood me. I guess this is why some people believed in evolution.

"Misaki!" Haruhiko shouted. He was sporting two black eyes, a busted lip, a knot on his forehead, and a swollen cheek. After all that, he was still trying to touch me again. I wanted to laugh at how comical he looked, cradling me like I was the one that needed the most medical attention, and I did just that. I _laughed_. I laughed my ass off, and it numbed the pain of my ankle. It wasn't one of those hilarious ones either, more like, "ha-ha oh my God I'm in fucking pain please kill me now" laughs. Yeah it was hysterical because I was crying too.

"Misaki!" Usagi-san shouted from down the hall. A golden dog came up to me and licked my face.

"Usagi-san!" I said with a chuckle. I wanted to shout "Savior!" but I think that might have been overdoing it. Still, when he looked at me he seemed a little freaked out. I probably looked like I'd lost my mind. I mean here I was with a pained expression, nursing my ankle while I was laughing at the damage I'd done to his brother's face… This whole situation was just so wrong on so many levels, but I was enjoying it, even though I was crying tears of agony from the sting of my ankle, I kept laughing.

A butler came up to us, with a worried gaze. "Should I call an ambulance?"

I pointed at him, and my laugh quieted. The look I gave him was alert and for a moment, I forgot about my ankle and gasped. "Sebastian?!"

He gave me an apologetic smile. "Tanaka…" Oh...

The tears began to roll again.

* * *

"I worry about you," Usagi-san murmured to himself. He parked the car in the lot and gazed down at my ankle. It was wrapped in bandage, and literally looked like I had a donut around it, and it was pink. Homer Simpson would try to eat it if I put sprinkles on it. It was swollen that bad. I was ordered to stay off it for a few days. "You scared me."

"Don't blame me," I told him. "Your dad's the one that kidnapped me." What an asshole. I'm glad Usagi-san didn't completely take after him. "Shouldn't we press charges? Call the cops? Plead kidnapping or something?"

He nodded. "But he'd just get someone to get him out within the same hour." True. He lowered himself down and for a second, I was alarmed, thinking he was going to do _that_. Yes _that_. But then when he held my foot, and kissed it, my face turned all kinds of red. "I love you," he said.

I was too hard to answer—Oh crap. Now there's a thought I didn't mean to tell you. Sorry. Just forget I thought it. Please. I'm begging.

"Let's go to the fair tomorrow," I suggested. I saw him staring at an advertisement a few weeks ago.

He sat up, only a little to reach the switch on my side, and set my seat back. When he guided me down, he lay on top of me, careful not to put his weight on my small frame. His forearms framed either side of my face while he placed a lingering kiss against my lips. "Why the fair?"

Because I know you want to go. I played it off with a shrug. "Because it could be fun—Oh I made a friend today, and an enemy."

"That's great—and a little unnerving. Who do I need to get rid of?" He had a tease in his voice, but it made me wonder… If I asked him to get rid of Raiden, could he?

I shook the thoughts out of my head and licked his cheek, surprising him. "Okay, never done it in a car before. Are the doors locked?"

He froze.

I chuckled again. "I'm kidding."

He pouted and rested his lips on my neck. "Eh es ween."

"What?"

He moved his lips to my ear, tracing the shell with his tongue. When I shivered he said, "That was mean."

"You love it," I teased, copying his words.

"I do," he assured me. "I love you." God he was so perfect.

* * *

I tapped my pen over the journal, ready to spill a secret. But which one? There were so many. I mean I had to explain my planning, the actual murder, the events that led up to murder… Well I could explain that one revelation about my dad for now. It's just a journal right? No one's going to see this but me.

_Entry 2_

_I watched. I calculated. I waited for an opening. Today my father and mother would be out on a date night. They wouldn't be back until I was asleep, and when Takahiro had tucked me into bed, when he had shut his room light off hours later, and his snores were heard echoing from his room, I made my move. _

_I climbed out of bed and went to my parent's room. Those two people they brought over the other day after school were _not _friends of the family, not the way they were touching dad._

_Friends don't do that with friends, at least that's what I thought, but dad didn't seem to mind. Mom however looked like she was just going along with it. I wasn't about to stand for this man fornicating with other people, especially in front of my mother like that. Who _does_ that? Why would anyone do _that_? _

_As I snuck around their room, I went to my dad's drawer. He had several pictures of himself and one of the men from before. The woman they brought, he didn't seem so touchy feely with, but the man…_

_"Misaki," Takahiro called me groggily. "What are you doing up?"_

_I stuffed the pictures away and peered up at him, yawning. "Must have been sleep walking again."_

_He allowed me to climb on his back and guided me to my room. Once I plopped on the bed, I urged him to sleep beside me, hugging his upper half while he obliged and went to sleep._

_"Takahiro?"_

_"What?" _

_"What does swingers mean?" My parents were discussing it that day they brought the strange people over. That and something about being open. I hadn't quite understood what dad meant._

_"Nothing you need to worry about," he assured me. "Don't say that word again."_

_"But—"_

_He looked at me seriously. "Misaki, it's not a word you need to be using."_

_I huffed. "Okay…"_

_The next morning, I remember it perfectly. _

_"Morning Misaki," my mother said._

_"Morning mom," I greeted her. Sitting across the table from my father was off-putting. I didn't understand. How do you have so many people in a marriage? Was it legal?_

_My mother tensed when my father got up and hugged me from behind while I ate my breakfast. I think he had sniffed my hair, but I don't think at the time my brain allowed me to believe the negative thoughts he had brought about. _

_"That's enough," my mother said. She looked ready to cry._

_"I can't hug my son?" he asked her. He seemed hurt._

_"Not with those hands," she told him. I didn't understand. Were they filthy? I remember, I gazed at them. No they looked clean then, but they weren't._

_He stroked my hair and it sent a terrified shiver down my spine. "He's my son too."_

_"Just because you're gay doesn't mean you need to look at him like that," she snapped. Gay? What's that mean? Happy? _

_I peered up at my dad innocently. "Gay? Like in that song on the movie?" Looking back, I feel so stupid that I thought such an innocent question existed. He responded by kissing my forehead, a little too long for my mother's liking._

_She got up and yanked me from him, nearly knocking my chair over in the process, and hugging me like he had the plague. "Go get your things, Misaki," she said. "I'm taking you and Takahiro to school." I did as I was told and left the area, a bit shaken by this new development. Mom was scared for me, and I her. _

_"I don't care who you touch, but it better not be our sons," I heard her hiss at him. I stopped and tuned in while I stood in the hallway._

_"You know I'd never," he said. _

_"Oh really?" she asked. "Because I've seen the type of people you've been bringing home. Did you see the way they looked at him?! The way you've been looking at him?!"_

_"They won't touch him!" he snapped. "And how dare you accuse me of wanting to touch our children!"_

_"You didn't deny it," she stated in a level tone. "If anything happens to my children I'll kill you, you and those people."_

_"I'd like to see you try."_

_"Don't act like I'm the bad guy. You're the one who's breaking up our family by doing this, being this. You're the one who's into men!"_

_"Because I don't get what I need from women like you!" I heard a smack, but when a rush of footsteps went by, my father didn't seem fazed. He turned around after noticing I was there, glared at me, and yanked me by shoulder. The intensity that he looked at me, it terrified me, like I'd been some sort of experimental specimen for him to use, or a greedy desire. What he whispered in my ear, it sent another shiver through me, and before I could cry he pushed me away and stormed down the hall, brushing past Takahiro in the process._

_He ran over to me once my tears began to pour and cradled me in his arms. "What happened?"_

_"I'm—I'm scared," I whispered between breaths._

_"Of who?"_

_"Dad." I sniffed, rubbing my eyes. So much water was pouring, but once I started crying I couldn't stop._

_"Why? What'd he tell you, Misaki? –Mom! Oh my god! What happened?! Are you okay?!"_

_I looked up to see my mother with a bloody tissue to her nose. So she hadn't hit dad… With a forced smile, she nodded. "I'm fine, Takahiro. Get to the car. I'm driving you both today, and picking you up." I went over to her and hugged her torso forcefully, feeling my cheeks get stained again, and her dress get soaked. I loved my mother. Nothing would change that. I couldn't understand why any man would hit someone who was so loving and beautiful, inside and out. My mother was perfect._

_She caressed my head until Takahiro reminded her of school, and an ice pack. "Go get your things, Misaki." I actually listened this time._

_Takahiro's school was closer, so he was dropped off first. He shared a knowing, upset look with my mother before he left, and I tugged away from his hand when he tried to ruffle my hair, like he usually did. It disappointed him, but he had disappointed me._

_When mom stopped at my school, she and I both got out of the car. Her face was bruised slightly, but it was mostly covered with makeup now and blood free. Despite her bruises, she was still perfect to me. _

_"I know you don't understand what's going on with your father right now," she started with a weary voice. "I don't understand it myself."_

_"Is that wrong?" I asked. "For boys to like boys?"_

_She paused and thought her choice words over. "I think that you can't help who you fall in love with. I just want the people around me happy."_

_"Oh," I said, lowering my head. "But you're not happy."_

_She knelt and took my hands. "I'm happy as long as I get to see you and Takahiro every day." _

_"Does Takahiro know about dad?"_

_"No," she said in a hurry. "And I don't want to tell him. Takahiro's very close to your father. I think it'd break his heart to find out."_

_I folded my arms. "It didn't break his heart when dad hit you," I grumbled. "He didn't help you. He didn't do _anything_." One thing that would never change about me was my ability to speak my mind. I couldn't help it, but getting upset with Takahiro wouldn't make the situation better. I still felt like he should have done something though. He and dad were about the same height, tall as hell. He could have taken him. Looks like next time, I'd take matters into my own hands. _

_I may have been eight, but revenge was a forte of mine that I occasionally indulged in._

_She brushed my bangs out of my eyes, ignoring my mini rant. "I want you to have a good day at school today, okay?"_

_I frowned. "Okay."_

_"No," she said with a fake pout. "What was that? Just okay? I didn't hear you promise. You always promise." _

_I laughed when she attacked my face with kisses, and started tickling me. "Okay mom—stop—I promise! I promise!" I had curled in such a way that I had turned and she was cradling me from behind, rocking us back and forth. I didn't mind, even if other parents and kids were around. I loved getting affection from my mom. If she were still alive, I don't think I would have grown out of it. _

_We waited a moment, with her holding me from behind while she knelt, and me peering up at her, with my arms resting on hers. If only most days could be like that one moment, then everything would have been fine. "I love you," she whispered._

_"I love you more," I assured her. I always would._

_She laughed and kissed my temple. "Well I'll still love you long after I'm gone."_

_"Always?"_

_"Always," she told me. There was determination in her eyes. My mother and I had a special bond, greater than the one she and Takahiro shared. Takahiro bonded more with my dad, but I hoped he would never be like him. _

_"What did your father tell you in the hallway?" she asked me._

_I tensed. "Nothing."_

_"Misaki—"_

_I turned around so that I was facing her and hugged her forcefully. She returned it after a moment, and never asked me again. But the statement my father made to me earlier plagued my thoughts..._

_End Entry_

I shut the book, flinching at the rest of day three. I couldn't finish again, not tonight.

"Misaki," Usagi-san called me.

I gazed up, just as I had locked the journal. "Yeah?"

He looked tired, and he had his hand extended for me to take while he leaned against the door, yawning like a toddler at naptime. I grinned and stood, limping over to him and taking his hand. I kissed it as I led him to his—our room and we went to bed.

I couldn't wait to take him to the fair tomorrow. I wanted to see his face light up at every little thing, like it always does when he sees childish things. Truth be told, I enjoyed it, feeling like a kid around him. It feels like I'm making up for lost time that I missed, and sharing it with the one person I've been waiting for. Cheesy right? Incredibly, but I love him. I do.

* * *

**Replies:**

**Tech Savvy:** A new reviewer? Hm… To me, hell yes it's a word! XD lol. Thanks so much for taking the time to read it! And trust me when I say this, I've seen blander reviews (plenty) and yours isn't, not to me. Don't apologize for rambling. I love rambling! It's a habit I've been trying to break myself, so I feel ya there. We can be ramble buddies if you want! :)

**Guest ****10/6/13****:** Oh my gersh! Thanks so much for helping me! Lol I can't believe I missed that. As soon as I read your review I was like "oh shit!" *smacks forehead* "I forgot about Hiro-san!" Then again, yeah I can see how I missed it because I'm like desperately focused on the Romantica couple 98% of the time that I'm a little blindsided. Feel free to help me out more often! I have a feeling I'm going to have more of those days especially after I tie in the egoist couple and terrorist too for this later chapter :)

**Misses Tsundere:** A longer makeout session hm? *grins deviously* I think I can make one of those happen in a future chapter lol. Oh don't worry, the way he kills them isn't something that people can guess right off the bat. I made sure of it… heh-heh. I rarely watch the egoist episodes, or the terrorist episodes. Most of the time for me I'm yelling at the screen wishing misaki was nicer and willing to kiss Usagi-san. Don't worry, I won't take you seriously if you don't want me to lol. I get what you mean about school. It's rare to have a good day there. DX P.S. Kay-sama was taken as profile name D: So I changed it to Kace-sama lol

**Guest 10/12/13:** I plan on being a writer one day, if I can actually take the time to sit down and write about my own characters lol. Patience isn't my virtue though, so fanfiction will just have to do for now. ;) Many bows to you for reviewing kind stranger!


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